Essay
Making Friends with Discomfort
Reflections from an awkward sand volleyball game
Make a habit of getting comfortable with the discomfort.
It sounds like a dramatic statement that was sprouted by a simple game of volleyball on a Thursday night.
To give you a backstory, I have never been a team sports person. When I was a child, the only sports I was (semi) consistently a part of were tennis and running (if you consider that a sport). I still remember when I realized I was terrible at sports like yesterday. It was at a high school summer camp, where all the activities were team sports; I dreaded every game and gladly volunteered to be on the sidelines.
And I have remained on the sidelines since. Sticking to active things that I am good at — those that require balance and flexibility, and not an ounce of assertiveness or spatial awareness, really.
It wasn’t until my move to Houston that I began to have a slight desire to dabble in sports. From far away, the camaraderie and fun environment was appealing. So, whenever my friend asked me to join him and his friends to a friendly game of volleyball, I said yes.
An answer, I thought, as I stood on the sand court unable to successfully hit a single ball, was given too confidently.
To be quite honest, I sucked. The experience kind of sucked. Yet, part of me wanted to come back. This past Thursday night had been the third time I went to embarrass myself at sand volleyball (of course, these spread out over a couple months — can’t take too many hits to the ego in such close proximity).
And now here I am, typing away at my computer, reflecting on the importance of welcoming discomfort in our lives.
So, here are 2 lessons that I am learning from choosing to enter discomfort
The first lesson is that there may be beauty in the other side of the initial unpleasantness
I find that another part of myself comes out whenever I am uncomfortable. I become a little bit more quiet and kept to myself, quite a bit more awkward, and much less confident.
To be honest, I don’t like this part of myself. However, throughout this life, I am sure I will encounter many more (and much more intense and maybe more important situations) that I am not comfortable in. Putting myself in these situations now has been helping me find comfort in the discomfort.
A lot of good things in life are hard and uncomfortable.
For instance, as a child, I used to be a very shy kid. Suffered from a lot of social anxiety — so much so that I was unable to utter even a word in conversations that involved more than two other people.
Feeling normal in social settings was something I deeply desired. So, unsure whether this was the right approach, but I began to intentionally enter social situations that gave me anxiety. And little by little, the anxiety began dissipating.
Now I derive a great sense of joy from interacting with people in group settings.
By engaging with discomfort regularly, I hope this prepares me to welcome upcoming challenging parts of life, or even allow me to experience more beauty in this life that I wouldn’t have experienced otherwise.
The second lesson is learning humility
I am not perfect, I am well aware of this. However, there is something special about seeing the flaws within myself with wide-open eyes and holding them with acceptance. As opposed to running away from the areas of myself that I don’t perceive to be as pleasant.
My default is engaging in activities that I am good at. In interactions where I feel in control. Put myself in situations where my best qualities come out.
This leads me to create an inflated and false sense of self.
They always say that close relationships can lead to a lot of growth, as they make parts of ourselves come out that may not be the most pleasant. Push all of our buttons.
And in that, we come face to face with the idea that we are far from perfect. Hopefully, with reflection and work, this realization will lead to further growth.
I find that embracing discomfort has a slightly similar effect.
Now bringing it back to you
What is your relationship with discomfort and what does it bring out of you?
For me, all I can say is that I continue to keep these Thursday night volleyball games in the monthly calendar.
