Pets
My Dog is Going to Die
The long goodbye holds valuable lessons
I love dogs
I currently have two. I adopted them from a local humane society, four years apart. Lily was already four years old when I got her. She’s the first, and the older of the two. This story is about her.
Lily is a special needs dog
I believe she was feral, abused, traumatized, or all of the above prior to coming to me. She is easily startled, craves a high degree of routine, and is pathologically shy. I have honestly never had a dog with so many quirks. She takes a good deal of energy, that one.
She was rescued from ‘dead dog’ beach in Puerto Rico by The Sato Project. I suspect she was born on that beach. She was sent to the United States and then had another family for about 4 years, who returned her to a humane society because they had babies.
No judgement. Lily is a dog with a pronounced set of needs. It’s good to understand that you don’t have the time to commit to training a dog. Her trust issues were her major obstacle and take a lot of time and attention.
She didn’t act domesticated when I got her. She was trained but not tamed. She would sit, stay, not bark, wait to go outside to do her business. She obeyed commands, but her true mind was far away from the person commanding her. She was just plain terrified of everything. She’s get that distant stare and, while she would perform her commands, she wouldn’t let you in.
My mantra with Lily has always been to “meet her where she is”
If she’s anxious, then that’s where we start. Through this approach, she has become incredibly bonded to me, my husband, and her little min pin sister. I feel honored that she trusts me as much as she does. Dogs generally like me. Having to really work for it makes her love that much sweeter.
With Lily’s help, I’ve cultivated patience. Lily’s tutorials in patience have bled into other relationships in my life. It’s caused me to reexamine my response to events. For such a long time, Lily held herself in stress. She was hyperaware of everything. I can certainly echo this tendency.
She is getting older, my Lily. She is almost 14 and has a plethora of illnesses. She takes 4 pills two times a day, with a new one added for her current bout with pancreatitis. She has heart problems, digestive problems, and cognitive decline. She has less control of her bladder and bowels. Daily walks have increased in number. We now have puppy pads festooning our downstairs.
Before Lily, I had another dog, Maya, who went through this same pattern. Problems started to accumulate as Maya got old. This dog was my soul-dog, and I tried so hard — too hard — to save her. In the end, she had a stroke which rendered her unable to drink. We took her to the vet the next day. I dread the day that Lily will have to make the same journey. But through Maya’s teaching, Lily’s death will be on her terms, not on mine.
Dogs will break your heart
But dogs will also strengthen it. They teach you that nothing else matters except for love. They teach you patience. They teach you perseverance. Life lessons that will help you shoulder your earthly load.
They also teach you how to let go. Maya was ready to leave a good month before she died. She wasn’t happy. I didn’t know how to let go, and tried all sorts of measures to keep her alive. For me. I wish I could go back and release Maya from her last month, when I couldn’t bring myself to let go.
Lily is still happy. Or rather — Lily is finally happy. She has discovered that humans are not awful. She has a home where she is so loved, and she is finally tamed. Her training is declining, but her taming has increased. Isn’t that the way of old dogs?
I remember hearing a story on NPR about an article in the Boston Globe. I have saved this article for years, and passed it to friends who are dealing with the death of their companions. Brian McGrory wrote:
“So as the clock winds out on a life well lived, I look back at the lessons learned from this calm and dignified creature, lessons of temperance, patience, and compassion that will guide us to the end.”
My Lily has not been calm and dignified, but she has taught me all of these lessons as well. Thanks to her, I strive to meet people where they are. To recognize where I am. To give myself and others the same compassion I give Lily. To enjoy those treats because we deserve them.
It’s a long goodbye
For now, we will enjoy just laying on the couch. Just walking the neighborhood. Just enjoying the fact that we are fellow creatures in a world full of wonder. That the love we share has made the journey better than we could have anticipated.
