These 3 Lessons from Vipassana Changed My Life
Experiencing determination, detachment and impermanence
The A-Ha Moment!
….that “Aha!” moment, when something so simple, right under our noses, is revealed as being awe- inspiring, profound, and transcendent. — Kenneth Goldsmith
I finally felt it and tears started falling… I was both ecstatic and angry. Ecstatic because I could finally feel the effect of Vipassana, which was such a simple yet powerful technique. Angry because I wished I had known about this technique in my teens, and, why such a powerful technique was not in the mainstream even after 2,500 years the Buddha had discovered and taught it.
This “aha” happened on the fourth day of the 10-day course, the same day the Vipassana technique was introduced. Vipassana, a word derived from the Pali language, means “to see things as they really are.” For the first three days we were required to do Anapana respiration, where you naturally inhale/exhale and become aware of the physical sensations in the nostrils region only. This is done to master your mind, strengthen your focus and thus prepare for Vipassana, which is taught on the fourth day.
The 10-day course was a battle, mentally and physically.
My intention here is to share the crucial lessons I learned through my challenging experiences during the course, and how I have applied these lessons to my life. I will not get into the day-to-day experience, the schedule, tips on how to survive, or the philosophy behind this meditation, for which abundant good resources are available online.
The 3 Lessons:
Your sacred space is where you can find yourself over and over again. — Joseph Campbell
In this article I will talk about these 3 concepts that I learned. I consider these 3 concepts my sacred space.
- Determination: strong resolve/determination to accomplish your goal by following the discipline and rules that have already been tested and put forth in place.
- Attachment: both craving and aversion are the two sides of the same coin called attachment — addiction to either is a cause of misery.
- Impermanence: Nothing lasts forever — the experience and understanding of impermanence leads to wisdom, which in turn can make us feel better and liberated.
Before I go deeper into these 3 concepts, I want to go over the ‘why’ and the ‘how’ to give you a clear understanding for my reasons behind wanting to do Vipassana.
Why Did I Do Vipassana?
When some systems are stuck in a dangerous impasse, randomness and only randomness can unlock them and set them free. — Nassim Nicholas Taleb
It was only six months ago that I did my first 10-day Vipassana course (by Goenka) in Lumbini, Nepal. I came to this decision after my random meeting with Jake, a monk living in Thailand. Jake is originally from the USA. During my conversation with Jake, I let him know that I was having some emotional challenges, and after a careful observation he kindly and openly suggested that I first do the 10-day Vipassana course before attempting the meditation at the monastery he was staying in.
I had heard wonderful things about Vipassana before I met Jake. Meeting him was the final push I needed. I believed that there was meaning to this randomness, if I acted on it.
So when I got my first opportunity to do this course during my stay in Nepal, I signed up right away. I was really looking to grow — mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually. I have been meditating regularly for the last 15 years. One thing I have learned about meditation is that you always keep learning and growing. Meditation is a practice, a technique and it is worth experiencing what works for you, what does not, and develop further.
How Does it Work?
The only conversion involved in Vipassana is from misery to happiness, from bondage to liberation. — S.N. Goenka
After feeling the benefits of Vipassana, I really wanted to understand the science behind it. While there could be multiple explanations, this one made the most sense to me — an analogy told to Goenka, the teacher, by one of his students, a chemist, who after benefiting immensely from this technique had sought to find the explanation of how this works —
There is a technique used in metallurgy to refine certain metals to an ultra-pure level, where minute foreign molecules are removed.
This is done by casting the metal that is to be refined in the shape of a rod, and then making a ring of the same metal that has already been refined to the required purity. The ring is passed over the rod over and over again. This action generates a magnetism that automatically drives out any impurities to the extremities of the rod. At the same time, all the molecules in the rod of metal become aligned. The rod becomes flexible, malleable and capable of being worked. (Source)
In the same way, the technique of Vipassana can be regarded as the passing of a ring of pure awareness over the physical structure (your body), driving out any impurities, with similar benefits. So, think of Vipassana like body scanning where you scan your body over and over again with your own awareness, gradually purifying yourself.
The scanning is done over the body only, not anywhere else in space, or somewhere mystical/ethereal via imagination. Why? That’s because we must acquire “wisdom” through our own experience, not through intellectualization by reading or hearing someone else’s. Therefore the practice of “experiencing ourself” within the framework of our own body (which includes the mind) will help us realize our own “truth”. This is called experiential wisdom.
Now, a deeper look into the 3 lessons (determination, attachment, impermanence) —
1. Determination:
The determination to win is the better part of winning. — Daisaku Ikeda
Determination brings amazing results when you design your environment, stay focused and practice gratefulness.
One thing I absolutely needed to complete the 10-day course meditating 10 hours per day was determination, strong determination.
Throughout the course, I kept reminding myself about importance of Adhitthana, which means making a determination to remain for the entire period of the course by following the given rules and discipline. One of the disciplines were to try to do each hour of meditation without opening your eyes, hands or legs, and to get better at this as you come to towards the end of the course.
While there were many experienced meditators who did this, I could not. Every hour/session, I moved 4 to 5 times to change my sitting position. It was extremely hard. My legs went numb. One time, I even had a server (experienced member who is there to guide and help beginners like myself), come up to me and give me some tips on how to stay still.
Also, I would turn my head around and look at the wall clock to check how long I had before the end of the hour so I could get a break.
As the days passed, I got stronger and resilient, as I intended. I did not give up. I trusted the system and the environment that was designed to help me get better. I didn’t look at the clock so much, and I cut down on the number of times I had to move to change my sitting position. Nonetheless, I could not sit still for an entire hour. But I kept on.
Then came the last day, and then the last hour. This was the last chance I had to do 1 more session of Vipassana before the course was over. So I summed up all my mental and physical strength and put myself in the same lotus position. The last 15 minutes were painful. My legs went numb and they hurt. I told myself that I would not move even if I died. And I did it.
It was important for me to realize that the course had been consciously designed to help my determination, not hurt it, although I was challenged.
There are several “forcing functions” in place. A forcing function is any task, activity or event that forces you to take action and produce a result.
Wake up time, bed time, meal times, meditation and discourse sessions, are all strictly scheduled and enforced. There are people (servers, and teachers) who are helping you go through this process and grow. So, when you have these forcing functions already in place, it will help your willpower, because the environment has already been designed to help you go through and stay determined and focused. This is important to keep in mind and remain grateful throughout the course.
Today, I apply this practice of strong determination (Adhitthana) in many tasks that I do, which otherwise I would find boring, non-motivating, and meaningless. More importantly, I spend significant amount of time and energy in creating the environment by imposing “forcing functions” so I outsource a lot of my willpower to the environment.
For instance, doing accounting, filing out tax forms, writing regularly, having that difficult but important discussion with someone, to name a few. While there are still challenges I always keep the end-goal in mind, developing an environment that is conducive to doing these tasks is necessary, and then the push to get them done. This helps me stay focused on what I am doing with the awareness of impermanence (which I will talk about below) that it will all end soon.
These days I set up my day by meditating 60–90 minutes in bed right after I wake up. While I still change my sitting position several times, my mind and body is poised and determined to have a meaningful day. And when the day is over, I meditate again for about an hour to bring things to rest — and put my body and the mind to relax, with gratefulness.
2. Attachment:
Beware of aversion & craving!
What you are attached to can manifest as challenges and amplify during the course. I had a few. My intense longing for cleanliness, organization, healthy food, bug-free living space manifested as challenges in different ways.
It was the fourth day, when I could no longer stand the smell coming from my room mate’s scarf (probably his body odor). So I wrote a note (as we were not allowed to verbally communicate) kindly requesting him if he could wash his scarf .
Sure, as I feared, he read the note and didn’t we take it well. He wrote back a note letting me know that it wasn’t the smell that was bothering me but it could be something else (like the room), and suggested that I meditate more. I could see that he was also going through a hard time as well with his sore throat.
Then my room mate started using perfume on his scarf. The smell now got even stronger. Inside the room, I could smell it at all time, and in the meditation hall, I could smell it as well as he was a few seats in front of me.
On the sixth day I started feeling uneasy in my throat and I was concerned of developing sore throat and cough, which I normally have several times a year.
It was later after the course after sharing my experience with some servers and friends who already had done several courses, I learned that whatever attachment I have can manifest strongly during the course giving you an opportunity to work on them. So it is possible that my aversion towards strong smell could have led me to that experience.
Of course, if I had the choice I would have moved to a different room, taken medication for my throat and taken action to make myself more comfortable. But no options were available, so I had no choice except to look deeper into myself, meditate and heal, which is exactly what I did.
So I learned that my strong negative emotions towards something implies that I am attached to it. This is aversion. Aversion is just like craving — they mirror each other.
I did fall prey to my cravings as well. Despite the teachings during the discourses from Goenka, I over ate sometimes during the course, which led to indigestion. Two meals were served everyday — breakfast and lunch. In the evening, tea with light snacks were served. No dinner. Meals were something I looked forward to everyday as it was a major source of pleasure.
During the meditations there were thoughts that I enjoyed (craving) and there were thoughts that I hated (aversion). They would just come and I would get lost for minutes in these thoughts. As the course progressed, I got better in coming back to awareness.
Today, I try to be constantly aware of my attachments — both aversion and craving. I don’t deny or avoid them completely, but the awareness and my effort to grow through them has made my life so much more meaningful. This has taught me to build and apply better systems in my life where I don’t attach myself to things, problems, situations and people.
For instance, I do have a certain craving towards coffee. So instead of constantly trying to fight the addiction, I work towards creating an environment where the relationships that I have, the activities I do naturally makes me feel good and high, and there is no need for any neural stimulants like caffeine. I don’t keep coffee in the house, and I try to spend time with healthy people who don’t consume caffeine. I apply the same principle towards other sensual pleasures — TV entertainment, sugary food, etc.
In trying to grow out of attachment I have learned and experienced that there is one extremely powerful technique: fasting.
Currently, I fast once every 7–10 days, where I do not consume food (only drink about 2 liters of water), don’t talk to anyone and do not use any electronic devices and the internet.
Few hours into fasting, and all the attachment towards food, things, sensual pleasures are gone. And when I get out of fasting, I appreciate what I have even more. I end up feeling detached and therefore more grateful towards people in my life.
During the Vipassana course, there is plenty of reflection time to feel your attachments, reflect and work on them, primarily due to the environment that is set up to “fast” from the normal sensory pleasures.
3. Impermanence:
This too shall pass…
During the course, there were many ups and downs: mental and physical.
Struggling with my living situation with my room mate, trying to sit still during meditations, sore throat, angry/vengeful thoughts during meditations, just to name a few.
And there were pleasurable moments like sleeping and meals times.
The struggles, and pleasure had one thing in common: they didn’t last long. The word is ‘Anicca’, which means means that everything is ephemeral, arising and passing every moment; but the rapidity and continuity of this arising-passing process creates an illusion of permanence. As you develop this understanding and experience, you develop wisdom that leads to liberation.
Out of many types of thoughts that would arise and pass, vengeful thoughts were the most painful. With the practice of anicca, I was gradually able to detach my emotions with my thoughts — any thoughts, regardless of whether they felt good or bad. Being in this state, where I could feel that my thoughts and all sensations are just like bubbles and they come and go, I felt much more whole, liberated. What an achievement!!
Mere intellectual understanding of this reality that nothing is permanent will not help in achieving this wisdom, or liberation. You must experience it. When you experience impermanence directly by observing your own physical sensations, then the understanding that develops is real wisdom.
And it is in this state, where you can radiate love outwards, or give metta, which means pure, selfless love. Then our life become more about others, giving, sending love.
Today, I practice keeping my awareness and equanimity towards all of my bodily sensations as much as I can. Sure, there are ups and downs in my relationships, profession, health and every where else in my life. Things are constantly changing. Keeping my awareness towards my sensations at all times helps me keep that calmness, and act with wisdom.
When I am able to live moments with the awareness of impermanence, I am able to experience gratefulness, love, and meaning.
Conclusion:
Nothing ever becomes real ’til it is experienced.― John Keats
My health has drastically improved, physically and emotionally since I have been doing Vipassana meditation. My relationships are better.
Jake, the monk who gave me the final push to do Vipassana, was right in that Vipassana gave me the strong base I needed before exploring further.
I feel that I have found a precious tool to overcome suffering and push myself to liberation. Of course, it is not a one time thing. Consistent practice with the proper intention is needed. Currently, I focus on these 3 concepts of determination, attachment and impermanence to keep my intentions and practice clear.
The discussion and science behind how it all works become worthless unless we experience it. Vipassana, or the practice of “seeing things as they are” must be experienced. Experienced within the framework of our own body. And this experience is a path towards liberation, towards self-realization to see who we really are.
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I would love to hear about your experiences with Vipassana — what you experienced, what you learned, and how you are applying them to your life. Do comment and share.
