Member-only story
Essay
Turning Toward the Light
A new way to navigate family landmines
A few years ago I was heading into a landmine-riddled social situation in which I was going to be in an intimate gathering where I’d be in close contact with a good friend I’d been estranged from for over two years. Our good friend’s brother had died and we’d all be attending the celebration of life together for the weekend. I wanted to go support my friend and I did not want to bring any extra drama with me.
But I hadn’t seen my estranged friend for over two years. She’d broken up with me and told me that she didn’t want to talk to me anymore. I’d finally healed from the rejection of it all and I felt free of the saga. Being with her again felt overwhelming and impossible. I spent hours and days stressing about what the reunion would look like. I imagined myself in all different scenarios. In one I acted like nothing ever happened. In another I was cruel and dismissive. I let myself imagine doing what I had wanted to do for years which was to scream at her about how fucked up and crazy I thought she was. No scenario made sense, in part because I had no way to imagine how my long-lost friend would be approaching the situation.
At a loss for any plan, I decided to create a mantra for myself that would guide me through whatever I walked into. “I am a…