PART OF SUBJECT MATTERS THAT SORT OF MATTER
What To Write When You Have Nothing to Write About
Write about that
PART ONE
My candle’s wick looks like a flatly rolled joint.
I sniffed the wick to make sure I wasn’t getting high. I bought the candle in Colorado. My candle could contain THC. Everything in Colorado is at least 23% cannabis. Look it up. It might be true.
Maybe I’ll write about the contact highs of moose in Colorado. Poor stoned antlered wildlife can’t avoid secondhand smoke. It’s everywhere.
I don’t know what to write about. Does this ever happen to you? You just meander around the page, grasping.
Why is my tea candle flickering so loudly? It’s annoying and persistent like a three-year-old who’s got to pee while strapped into a car seat on a highway with no rest stops.
Candles are supposed to soothe the mind, not sound like someone’s hand is searching around for crumbs at the bottom of a Dorito bag. Or is it called a Doritos bag?
Is a single Dorito called a Dorito? Or is it called a Doritos? Should I write about Doritos? Or Dorito? I can’t decide.
Is more than one moose a meese? Jesus, what’s in that candle wick?
