3 Reasons I (Lovingly) Stopped Liking Facebook Posts

When Facebook started becoming popular, I resisted joining. Given my preference for deep connections, it seemed like a superficial way of interacting with other people. However, I was eventually advised to start a Business Page on Facebook, which required a personal page as well. Soon, I was part of the system I once judged, and even found it had its positives, such as easily sharing insights and entertainment with a large number of people.

I was ambivalent about the liking component for quite a while, and finally decided to stop using it for several reasons. I understand that for many it’s a convenient way to share a feeling of connection, to say “I’m still here” or acknowledge posts that resonate. I respect however people choose to use likes, but these are the reasons I decided the system doesn’t fit with my approach to relationships…

1. Unconditional Positive Regard

When I was trained as a therapist, I learned about Carl Rogers’ concept of displaying unconditional positive regard during counseling, which requires listening without judgment. I began implementing this in my real relationships as well, along with other principles I refer to as Therapeutic Empathic Listening.

If, for example, someone was sharing their journal with me, I would not go through it section by section and say, “This deserves a like.” and “This does not deserve a like.” People primarily share their thoughts, feelings and interests so that they may be better understood. One of the side effects of liking a post is that for it to mean anything you have to not like other posts. I prefer to not create such a duality. One way I could avoid this pitfall would be to like everything everyone posts, but this would be much too time consuming and artificial…as well as come across as “stalky.”

2. Training My Brain To Not Judge

Before social networking, my primary focus when another was sharing with me was to simply listen, and understand. I would then demonstrate that I heard what they were saying, and often share similar thoughts and experiences. These last several years of using social networking have added a never level to my interactive process: Do I likewhat they are sharing enough to take a moment to click “Like”?

When I tuned in, I found it doesn’t really feel congruent to think in this dichotomous manner. I enjoy maintaining spaciousness in my mind, so even subtle levels of judgment moves me away from who I really am.

3. No More Pellets, No More Electric Shocks

Operant conditioning is a psychological term referring to the introduction of rewards and punishments to encourage certain behaviors. Liking a post is the equivalent of giving a lab rat a food pellet, while not liking a post is similar to giving a mild electric shock. This process can affect the behaviors of our facebook friends, assuming they have any attachment to their posts being liked.

I would like to break away from any such attachment, and encourage others to do the same. I would prefer for others to share something because they like it…even if they know that lengthy posts are less likely to be liked than shorter ones, videos won’t receive as much attention as a brief inspirational quote, and thought-provoking essays won’t be nearly as popular as cute animals. If we unconsciously post the same kind of thing repeatedly because we know it’ll get likes, that doesn’t really contribute to the evolution of thought. Much worse, if we avoid posting things we care about because we know they won’t receive as many likes, we miss out on sharing potentially expansive ideas.

In conclusion, we’re all trying to find our way in the era of social networking. Given that I prefer deeper conversations, I don’t want to give anyone the impression we’re having some kind of a relationship because we occasionally like each other’s posts. If anyone wants to be in a friendship with me, they can simply let me know what they’re experiencing, share their thoughts and feelings, and I will do the same. Short of that, I’m dropping out of what Carl Jung referred to as the herd mystique when it comes to the Game of Likes. There have been too many times when I was happily liking away at a friend’s posts for days, only to find out later they were going through some intense or challenging experiences…issues too deep to share on Facebook. These are the kinds of things I want to know about in my relationships. As Natalie Merchant sang when she was with 10,000 Maniacs, “Trouble Me.”

I’ll still comment on my friend’s posts when I have something to contribute, and I’ll like the comments of others on my posts to acknowledge that I’ve read them. But otherwise I’m letting go of this 2.0-dimensional Web 2.0 behavior with the intention that it will attract more of the kind of interactions that feed my desire for authentic contact.

Peace,
Chris

Check out Chris’s (pen name, Mystic Life’s) book Spiritual Polyamory

Intuitive Guidance — Ethical Sites at LiveReaders.com