Helping Earth By Creating “Family Communities”

One thing that’s clear about the rapid pace of climate change is that unless we change our ways, we will unnecessarily create a tremendous amount of suffering and death. Our species is at a crossroads during which we must decide if our nostalgia for “traditional ways” is so great that we’re willing to ignore our direct contribution to increased droughts, floods, and food shortages.

An underlying problem that uncomfortably yet eventually needs to be addressed is overpopulation. People are living longer, and will continue to increase their lifespans as long as they have the resources to do so. One way we can address overpopulation is to reduce the number of new lives we create. While not having children is the most effective choice, I understand that for many the urge to raise children is incredibly strong. At the same time, many parents clearly don’t know what they’re getting into and often feel overwhelmed. I believe the ideas below can concurrently help the planet and reduce stress in families.

As an alternative to the traditional nuclear family, I’d like to suggest drawing upon lessons from other cultures in which people other than the parents play an important role in raising children. I envision “family communities” of three, four or more people deciding that they are going to raise a child together because all of them strongly want that experience, and care about each other.

I would suggest adoption as a first option, but if not, it would be wise to try to only have one child if possible. Nostalgia (and biology) may lead people to wanting many children, but we’ve entered an era in which that is simply not ecologically intelligent. Those who live in developed nations have the greatest responsibility to reduce the number of children they have because we consume the most resources. Although many may want their child to have siblings, it’s important to realize that there are other ways to create community, such as planning social time with other family systems. Although the concept of siblings is often well-intentioned, the process of “sibling differentiation” (the biological tendency of individuating to unconsciously compete for resources) often leads to brothers/sisters cohabitating without particularly strong bonds. This is not always the case, but having multiple children for fear of a child being “lonely” (or to recreate one’s own childhood experience) isn’t always a great idea.

With multiple people participating in raising a child, it gives children more role models to choose from in terms of finding a close connection. When I worked at a group home I saw how having a variety of staff members was helpful in this sense since the children were diverse and didn’t connect with everyone. Furthermore, I learned from being adopted that a genetic connection means nothing in terms of what factors are going to lead to a close connection. Sometimes it is friends of the family, teachers or others who are not the traditional parents who have the greatest positive influence.

Some might fear that by forming a family community there would be a lack of cohesiveness over time. To this concern I would say that if you are conscious regarding making a choice about who you involve in such an important undertaking (and wait until you have done enough personal growth work on yourself), it could actuallyincrease stability. As we all know, the current nuclear family system has a high divorce rate. When only two parents are involved with raising a child, this often leads to high levels of stress, children feeling their parents’ anxiety, and parents having little time for continuing to develop as individuals. An expanded family system that shares in responsibilities can create more spaciousness for the adults to refuel, which can lead to less stressed-out kids, and greater sustainability for the system.

I realize that it is challenging to go against the established way, and take the road less travelled. I see myself as a “seed planter” when it comes to sharing ideas, and am hopeful that some concepts that help lead to a more healthy planet will take root because I feel that climate change is the most important challenge of our era.

One of the numerous impediments in challenging tradition is that we are constantly “marketed” the idealized version of a traditional family (who are pacified by new cars, vacations, and an infinite number of consumable goods). There are many economic forces at work that would like us to keep living as we’ve always lived because stress and dissatisfaction leads to more purchases. Nevertheless, I believe it is time that we see ourselves as conscious beings who are choosing to live in harmony with our environment. Learning from cultures that have embraced expansive family systems is one of the ways we can achieve greater balance with Earth.

Peace,
Chris

Check out Chris’s (pen name, Mystic Life’s) book Spiritual Polyamory

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