Content Consumed: Adam Levine, Russell Wilson, and butter boards
Good mornin’ and happy Thursday. How are you guys doing? Are your feeds also being inundated with terrible reminders of celeb sexts of the past, like Tiger Woods and Prince Charles? More on that in a moment…
In today’s issue of Content Consumed:
🙄 Stop making Adam Levine a social justice issue
🧨 Jensen Ackles surprised me in The Boys
🏈 The comedy of Russell Wilson
🧈 Ban the butter board!
Okay, fine, I have thoughts on Adam Levine’s DMs
The tweet from PopCrave yesterday said:
“More women have come forward accusing Maroon 5 frontman Adam Levine of sending flirty messages.”
Writer Helen Donahue’s response, which I aggressively agree with:
“using language like “come forward” “accusers” and “victims” within the context of the adam levine cheating scandal is literally bastardizing the abuse of women.”
My thesis is that we’re all a little too obsessed with making classic celebrity gossip and drama into unnecessary social justice issues.
Sometimes it does align! You’ll recall I kind of did that angle myself in my recent bit about Tom Brady’s impending divorce. But this particular story, of a married man having sexty-texty affairs with Instagram models in their 20s… the victims here are Adam Levine’s wife and children. Not the Instagram girlies, who are pretending they didn’t know he was married to a gorgeous and nice Victoria’s Secret model (who is all over his profile with pictures of his kids too).
This is just a classic celebrity cheating scandal. It sucks, sure. But has Adam Levine committed a crime? No. Have the Instagram models he’s been sending very strange DMs to committed a crime? No. They all just suck!
Who wants to name their child after the woman they’ve having an affair with?! Adam Levine, apparently.
Okay, I’m done now.
Jensen Ackles surprised me on ‘The Boys’
Whew. My fiancé and I finally finished season 3 of The Boys last night. And you know who surprised me all season? Jensen Ackles, who plays Solider Boy.
Prior to season 3 of The Boys, Jensen Ackles existed in my mind next to the word “cringe”. I don’t think it’s his fault.
In fact, the blame lies entirely with Supernatural fangirls of the 2010’s. Sorry, but you know a fandom is cringe when there’s an entire Wikipedia section on it. So, when thousands of fanfics exist dedicated to a relationship called “Wincest” (the romantic pairing of brothers Dean and Sam Winchester) involving your character, I’m going to make assumptions about you as an actor.
Yes, I hear the hypocrisy in my voice as a former One Direction blogger and current House of the Dragon fan. Shhhh.
But Ackles was fantastic. He encapsulates Soldier Boy’s era of thought and action so well, and his relationships with the other characters feel very accurate to the moment. I don’t see him as just a single-show sitcom actor anymore—he has potential for so much more. Somehow, I hope Soldier Boy returns.
New bit: Russell Wilson’s life
Was that the beginning of the joke? And when does the bit end? Is Russell Wilson’s career itself dangerously close to a comedy skit?
His coach can’t count. He’s working with a series of coordinators who’ve never coordinated units or called plays before. His team needs fans’ help to avoid time management penalties, for God’s sake.
And oh my god, his TikToks hurt my soul.
Russell Wilson was hired by a completely revised franchise to be a microwave-instant, championship success—for five years and a lot of money. But he’s not adapting, as Guardian reports: “Moving to Denver, with a new franchise and a new staff, represented an opportunity for Wilson to redefine his game as he ages. Instead, the Broncos have doubled down on what Wilson likes to do, constipating the entire offense.”
Where does the King of Cringe—on and off the field—go from here?
Ban the butter board
Can we stop this before it starts? According to TikTok, butter boards are taking over the classic charcuterie. I, for one, find it disgusting.
Picture this: you’re at a little get-together, maybe 10 people. A place where people may love to snack on things like salami and goat cheese and grapes and crackers—you know, the ingredients of a traditional charcuterie board.
Instead, the hostess brings out a board filled with mountains of butter, like a square foot of it, sprinkled with strange extras like edible flowers and bacon bits. The butter’s already melting, of course. It’s seeping into the baguette slices and soon it’ll be dripping off the board and onto the table.
Immediate thoughts:
- Double-dipping has never sounded worse.
- Does this signal the end of COVID?
- Who leaves this party without a stomachache?
- Who can eat this much butter?
Okay, I’m sure it has potential. I’m sure it could be good. It looks pretty. Just not for me!
That’s all from me in this Thursday edition of Content Consumed. I’ll see you tomorrow! Thanks for reading.
Cheers,
Casey
