Content Consumed: Gwyneth Paltrow’s trial, Gisele’s witchiness, and Sofia Coppola’s daughter
Hello, howdy, hey! Good to see you. It’s a beautiful, sunny day in Portland, Oregon—but I’m struggling a bit. Getting back in the swing of things after a perfect two weeks OOO is hard and that’s okay.
In today’s edition of Content Consumed…
🎯 Gwyneth Paltrow’s having a tough week
🏆 Oscar for Sofia Coppola’s daughter’s TikTok, please
🪷 Gisele Bündchen reveals nothing but crystals
🎬 Donald Glover’s a menace to work with
Gwyneth Paltrow: The Diet and The Trial
That’s what I would title this week’s chapter of her memoir.
Gwennie is not looking good. I mean that literally and figuratively. This viral clip, taken from a podcast she was on, appears to show a ghostly Victorian child, not a Hollywood star. What does Gwyneth eat in a day? Coffee, bone broth, and a couple of vegetables. That is not the diet—nor the pallor—of a healthy individual!
[Pretend I wrote 15 more paragraphs here ranting more about Ozempic, the Kardashian BBL removals, and the return of heroin chic.]
Then there’s the trial. She’s being sued in Utah by a 76-year-old man who she skied into on the slopes of Park City. Yes, like she slammed into a geriatric old man while crisscrossing a luxury ski resort. He broke four ribs in the crash and sustained a concussion, and said that Gwyneth left him on the ground, not checking on him, as she and her entourage continued down the slope.
How do you sue for such an event, you may be wondering? (I was.) Apparently a “hit-and-run ski crash” goes against the rules of the resort, which state you have to stay around after a collision and exchange info. Reasonable!
And hey, if I could sue Gwyneth Paltrow because she broke half my ribs, I would. Get that Goop cash.
Starting the Oscar campaign for Romy Mars (Coppola)
First, watch this video.
Done?
Okay, first things first. “Fiasca” is now a permanent part of my vocabulary. Sofia Coppola’s daughter’s babysitter’s Brooklyn boyfriend has changed my writing career for the better.
Second, filmmaking continues to run strong in this family’s blood. The editing. The cuts, the cameos, the storytelling, each plot point perfectly announced. Slapstick comedy, dramatic tension, scene-setting. My god. I could watch a twenty-minute extended version of this.
There is nothing funnier to me than this child getting grounded for trying to charter a helicopter to see her camp friend, honestly.
Also, the choice to show her lesser-known father’s Grammy award instead of her well-known mother’s Oscar award? Hilarious.
And she knows about the nepo baby shit. She proved it by not knowing what an onion nor a head of garlic looks like. She thought a shallot could be either (…which, fair enough).
Can’t wait to see more of her films.
Gisele’s Vanity Fair story makes me want to be witchier
As usual, a story billed “GISELE REVEALS ALL” did not reveal all. What made her marriage with Tom fall apart? She never really says.
What I did get from this Vanity Fair cover is that I’m diving headfirst into witchy things. It’s working for Gisele (minus the whole divorce and FTX thing, I guess).
From a deep drawer at her bedside, Bündchen reaches for the Kuan Yin Oracle, a collection of feminine-focused, tarot-like cards centered on Buddhism’s goddess of mercy and compassion. Two days before, Bündchen pulled the card for “dynasty of the divine mother,” which urged her to “look to what is happening in your life,” she reads as incense burns on the cedar table before us, “and trust that you are progressing with perfection.”
“This is why they called me a witch, I guess,” Bündchen laughs, considering the cards before us, but she is less peeved by WitchTok’s speculations than prepared to agree with them. “If you want to call me a witch because I love astrology, I love crystals, I pray, I believe in the power of nature, then go ahead.”
The winking conspiracy about Bündchen’s magical powers escalated when Brady divulged in 2019 that Bündchen built him pregame altars and gifted him special “healing stones.” She confirms that she drew homeopathic floral baths for Brady — “whenever he was going through difficult times, you know, he has a lot of intensity, to help him calm his nerves” — and gave him onyx, “a stone of protection,” and a statue of the Hindu deity Ganesha, the remover of obstacles.
Alright, load me up. I’m off to win Super Bowls and become the hottest model on Earth and also own homes in Miami and Costa Rica. That’s how that works, right?
(I’ll at least light the incense I already own.)
One thing I did love about this interview: she eats! It’s refreshing after all the Gwyneth Paltrow-adjacent shit. Lots of tropical fruit, vegetables, meat, all whole and healthy foods. Not just broths!!!
Donald Glover really must be awful to work with
It’s not the first time someone’s said this. It’s part of Donald Glover’s reputation right now. From alienating every member of the Community cast and crew to Phoebe Waller-Bridge breaking off from a project with him, he seems like a creatively difficult person.
Now, in this Vulture piece, he basically admits to being an unhelpful director…?
Glover said they purposefully did not talk to [Swarm star Dominique] Fishback about her character’s backstory. “I kept telling her, ‘You’re not regular people. You don’t have to find the humanity in your character. That’s the audience's job,’” he said. He acknowledged that made it harder for her: “She was really lost a lot of the time.”
(A) I don’t think that’s fully the audience’s job. (B) You’re not a great showrunner if the actress has zero understanding of their character and feels “lost”.
His interview did not help his reputation of being afraid of Black women.
“Actors in general, they want to get layered performances. And I don’t think Dre is that layered,” he told me. “I wanted her performance to be brutal. It’s a raw thing. It reminds me of how I have a fear with dogs because I’m like, ‘You’re not looking at me in the eye, I don’t know what you’re capable of.’”
Yikes yikes yikes!
And that’s it for today! Love you all. Thank you for reading! And hot damn, I’m getting closer to 500 followers. Be sure to follow this Medium column to see Content Consumed in your inbox (almost) every weekday!
Cheers,
Casey
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