Love Me, Love Me Not
On the Courtship of Social Networking
While it has been quite some time since I have personally been “on the market” or “played the field,” the similarity between romantic dating and social networking struck me the other day during a daily morning ritual which I like to call “social channel scroll.” Much like the process of looking for a mate, I often find myself in a prowl-like, almost animalistic state of mind, patiently watching and waiting for something to turn my head, peek my interest… attract my attention.
As human beings, we want to feel attraction and we desire connection. This does not change just because we are representing a business or a brand. We are still human and we want to connect with other humans. Social networking can be an effective way to do this and, not surprisingly, it tends to follow a very similar pattern of behavior to dating. Also not surprising? The fact that men and women go about it very differently.
What You Seek is Seeking You ~Rumi
At least that is what we hope, right? When you are single, you always have your eyes open, looking for Mr. or Ms. “Right.” We all have different preferences, but generally speaking, most of us are looking for someone attractive, intriguing, intelligent, funny, etc.
We can only hope that Mr. or Ms. Attractive-Intriguing-Intelligent-Funny is also looking for us! It is not much different when we are social networking professionally. We are seeking to connect with like-minded individuals who happen to represent the brands and businesses with which we want to build relationships.
How do we go about this? In the dating world, we must first figure out where we are going to hang out to meet our prospects. It may be at the gym, at a local club or even online. In the world of social networking, we have choices of where to hang out too — Twitter, Facebook, Google+, LinkedIn, YouTube, Pinterest.
They are all places we can connect with others and just like in the dating world, where you choose to hang out will determine what type of individual (and often which gender) you connect with. For example, 54% of those hanging out on LinkedIn are men whereas women occupy 62% of Facebook. These two social networks have different communication styles and a unique appeal to each gender, meeting similar needs in different ways. (1)
Doing the Dance: A Not-So-Trivial Pursuit
So, you’ve kept your eyes peeled, you’ve hung out in all the “right” places and now, you’ve spotted someone who makes your heart go pitter-patter. Let the dancing begin! What is this dancing of which I speak? It is the figurative dance of pursuit that we all do once we become interested in someone.
The flirting… the courting…. sometimes even the chasing and all the feelings that go along with these dance moves. In social networking, both men and women alike do this dance. However, the dance floor divides the men from the women when it comes to the way in which each of them goes about pursuing.
Men pursue by gathering information and “climbing the ladder,” using social channels as a sort of interactive Rolodex. Women, on the other hand, pursue through discussions with others about real-life issues and feelings, getting advice on how to solve problems. (2)
Sherry Perlmutter Bowen, a gender and communication professor at Villanova University in Pennsylvania, believes that gender differences are rooted in communication styles learned since birth.
“Girls and boys are often raised in two distinct cultures where they learn different rules and norms for behavior and talk: Girls learn to build relationships by sharing social information. Boys learn to compare and compete with others, always striving for more success.”(2)
If They Bite the Bait, Ask Them on a Date!
Just when your feet start to ache so badly that you can dance no more, you get a bite! When the supposed object of your affection finally pays you some attention in the dating world, you don’t sit back and wait… you act now!
After all, this is the moment you have been waiting for and you are a fool if you do not ask them out on a date. This goes double for your networking efforts on the social channels. There are a lot of players out there, so when your courting-flirting-dancing gets a response, do not hesitate. This is your moment.
However, do not misunderstand timeliness for over-eagerness. Beware the too-eager-beaver. Just as asking for one’s hand in marriage after a first date would raise a really large red flag in the dating world, overkill and over-excitement can quickly destroy a relationship that has not yet begun. Easy, tiger: social networking is meant to be a relationship-building tool that is nurtured over time, not a speed date that ends in a one-night stand.
When it comes to the battle of the sexes, who is more of the speed demon on the social networks? While no studies have been recorded to specifically answer this question, it has been shown that women are using the social channels more often than men and are much more likely to have interaction than men. (3) In fact, each month, on Twitter alone, 40 million more women visit than men. That statistic is even more staggering when you realize that is even more people than the entire state of California. (4)
Gender aside, we are all human. Although these “men v. women” statistics are both interesting and informative, our common humanitarian desire to connect to others supersedes the rest. Both IRL and in your online social networking, you won’t win over everyone you court; some will “love you” and some will “love you not.”
SOURCES:
(1) http://www.entrepreneur.com/article/226599
(3) http://www.bitrebels.com/social/men-vs-women-who-uses-social-networking-more-infographic/
