From the Bedside

When expectations take us away from our hearts desires.

Read these as you sit by the bedside.
Imagine the note is from a dear friend or family member.

Dear Child,

You sat with me for some time now, as I withered away from the years. When I was young, I dreamed of the day I would do just what was in my heart. But as I got older, I did what I had to do — what I was expected to do. Life was beautiful, regardless, but the years I’ve had in this bed have given me a perspective about what I wish my life would have been.

Now that I have passed, I want to make sure you know that my life was something I’ am so grateful for. I loved. And I experienced beauty. And I cared for others and I knew kindness. But I wouldn’t be your wise friend if I didn’t share what I wished for — but didn’t see it until I was lying these many days.

I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me. I wish I hadn’t worked so hard. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends. I wish that I had let myself be happier.

I am leaving you with my perspective — that you might make the kind of choices you can, now — as you still have life to live.

Love,

Wisdom for Living

Now find a seat anywhere near the station and consider more thoroughly the 5 regrets from Bonnie Ware’s book called ‘The Top Five Regrets of the Dying.’ Ware is an Australian nurse who spent several years working in palliative care, caring for patients in the last 12 weeks of their lives. She recorded their dying epiphanies in a blog called Inspiration and Chai.

1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.

“This was the most common regret of all. When people realise that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honoured even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made. Health brings a freedom very few realise, until they no longer have it.”

2. I wish I hadn’t worked so hard.

“This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children’s youth and their partner’s companionship. Women also spoke of this regret, but as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence.”

3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.

“Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.”

4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.

“Often they would not truly realise the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying.”

5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.

”This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realise until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called ‘comfort’ of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content, when deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again.”

- an excerpt from Huffington Post

Such good stuff, right?
How might these observations shape our 2018?
Do we listen? Or continue in the pace of life that may very well lead us away from our true self?

Rather than solving this all tonight — what if you just said you are willing to process it — think about it — work with others who love you through this — continue the conversation within our community.

If you would like to have this conversation . . . please light a candle.

Let it be a statement of willingness to be aware of your life.

The next several articles will include the content from the two evenings we prepared/encountered over two Sundays as a community. But you can download the full PDF.