“Misogyny Is the Real Issue”
An Interview with Christian de la Huerta
ROWE CENTER: What is your personal vision of a gay and lesbian America in 2054?
CHRISTIAN DE LA HUERTA: I’d rather speak not just about America but about a new world. I’m assuming that by then, except for maybe a few pockets where it might still be illegal, for a majority of people it will be much more accepted — I can’t imagine that 40 years from now there will be a death sentence, for example, as there is now in some countries. I expect that there will continue to be progress in terms of discrimination and employment and marriage. I think that homophobia and misogyny are two sides of the same coin — and in a deeper sense the real issue is misogyny. So I hope that in 40 years we’ll live in a very different world, where women will have 50 percent of the power, and not go back to patriarchy. We need a balance of the masculine and feminine in the world, and inside each of us.
R.C.: There’s frequent discussion in academic circles, and increasingly in mainstream media, about the the possibility of moving toward a post-gender society. Do you see that as happening within the next 40 years, do you think it’s desirable, and if it does happen, what do you think the implications might be for people who identify as gay or lesbian?
C.d.l.H.: Gender is a reality, and at the same time I know that there are complex ways of thinking about gender identity — I think that what we’re moving to, now and in the next 40 years and beyond, is a definition of gender that doesn’t limit anybody and one that does connect with balancing masculine and feminine. I think that’s the crucial thing. And if you remove misogyny from the equation — for example, look at Biblical prohibitions, such as “two men shall not lie with each other”; there’s no prohibition of two women lying together, and the misogynistic reason is that women at the time were property, so there’s no threat. What’s threatening about two men lying together is that one of them forfeits the superiority of his masculine status. This highlights that misogyny is the real issue. If we look at the world and the issues we’re facing, if women in the next 40 years were to become 50 percent of the power in the world, we’d see a wholly different relation to war, poverty, the environment, and other issues. It’s not about idealizing women, but about restoring a world that’s out of balance.
R.C.: You’re very interested in reviving the spiritual roles that gay and lesbian people have occupied in ancient cultures throughout the world. What do you envision such spiritual roles might look like in 2054?
C.d.l.H.: We’re continuing to step into archetypal roles that we’ve performed for many centuries, as mediators of beauty, as scouts of consciousness. In the past 15 years we have seen a shift within the gay community in its relationship with spirituality. Not to confuse spirituality with religion, and the way we continue to be treated by most religions in the world — but in terms of spirituality I see a profound shift in us. The National Gay Task Force has a track about spirituality and healing that would have been unheard of 10 years ago. We have reclaimed some of those roles and we need to find ways to give expression to them that make a difference in our lives and bring healing to the gay community and, most important, have an impact on the world.
For me personally, I have been been fulfilling my own calling in my role as a teacher and healer and catalyst for change in the world, and I’ll continue over the next 40 years. What I’ve been seeing in teaching workshops over the past five-to-seven years is that people are coming not only from the gay community but from the straight community, and I’ll continue to play that role in the world. Again, if there’s one issue, the most important thing that needs to happen in the world is the empowerment of women and also how do we move from a more patriarchal relationship with power to a collaborative, less competitive power, one that’s not about hierarchy and control — being able to step into power as an expression of who we are without needing to prove anything or squelch anybody.
R.C.: You mentioned not confusing spirituality with religion. With more people defining themselves as “spiritual, not religious,” there’s discussion about a post-religious trend in America. If that’s the case, how might LGBTQ people be reactivating their ancient roles as spiritual guides in a pluralistic, post-religious society in 2054?
C.d.l.H: I think we have played those roles both in organized religion and outside of it. Some Christian denominations are accepting ordained priests who are out and some are accepting marriage, although whether the Catholic church will come about, I’m not going to hold my breath, or whether women will be ordained, I’m not going to hold my breath.
There has been a dramatic change, a decline in numbers in traditional organized religion and a rise in alternatives. In many ways we in the gay community are experiencing that. More people are less inclined and less willing to have their spirituality or their faith delimited or defined by anybody’s definition or dogma. Gay people have an advantage because we have had to find ways to reclaim and rediscover spirituality on our own and find a way to connect with the sacred — that’s one of the ways we’ve been scouts and messengers, ahead of the tribe, showing the way, growing outside the mainstream. The downside is that so many of us grew up outside thinking that something was wrong with us; many of us had to deal with existential questions of “who am I?” and “what do I live for?” earlier than our hetero counterparts. So we’ve had a head start.
I also want to say that ultimately we’re all spiritual beings having a physical experience — it’s doesn’t matter what’s between our legs and what we do with it.
Having said that, I’d also add that how the spiritual experience reveals itself through the body — through a feminine body or through an African-American or indigenous person — is important.
R.C.: What would you want to say to a young person in 2054?
C.d.l.H: I’d say our connecting to the sacred is who we are, it’s our nature, no one can give it to them or take it away. I don’t live by rules or dogma, but if one thing is unavoidable, it’s to discover whatever works for us in terms of quieting our minds and dropping into the vastness and majesty of who we are, and only we can do that for ourselves.
Christian de la Huerta will present “Coming Out Spiritually: A Gay Men’s Winter Retreat” on February 20–22.
CHRISTIAN de la HUERTA is the author of Coming Out Spiritually: The Next Step, named by Publisher’s Weekly as one of the top 10 religion books published in its year, and the forthcoming book The Soul of Power. A spiritual coach, relationship counselor, and leadership consultant whose programs are grounded in Soulful Breathwork — an ancient yogic tradition of healing — he has taught personal-transformation workshops for more than 20 years at universities, retreat centers, and other locations throughout the world.
