Love, seduction and manipulation

Cruel Intentions

Here comes the time!
Not just for me to be back to writing (or should I say publishing), but me back under the spell of “a crush”.

It’s been quite a while since I last found someone that inspires such high feelings of appreciation (and *desire* — combined), and I enjoy the insights that come with that delicious experience.
*I love*

Notice that I haven’t written I am in love, because I’m not yet there, I just love. I “just” LOVE.

What an irony, in a society that is so precautious around that one word: LOVE

We don’t love that right away, we are infatuated, we are “in love”, we fall in love (and sometimes it’s a very long process).
I don’t do these things. Not anymore.

I love.
Immediately.
I know it. It’s quite easy in fact.

I am kidding. Not for the Love or its immediacy, but for the “not anymore”.
I might fall in love, who knows, and I surely will be “in LOVE”.
I am human after all and I can’t predict how will I react to the chemical rush induced by further interaction with this other human being, but what I already know now is that I love him.

An observation which lead me to a whole conversation in my head, and I am guessing this is the first article of a series in which I’ll share the inside of my psyche online — how fun!

AND IT STARTED LIKE THIS

“Don’t share too soon that you love them, it’s unattractive.
There won’t be room for seduction.
You’d ruin the challenge of the conquest.
If they already know you love them, where’s the fun?”

To this I ask; Do you really want the fun to be about the chase?
Then I don’t want to play with you.
That game isn’t my thing. I don’t partake in such power battles.

What’s wrong with knowing we are loved just as we are, and having done nothing for it?
What’s wrong with being loved knowing that we haven’t done anything to deserve it?
Why do we even have to deserve it?
What a twisted way of thinking
What a conditional way of loving

I know, I know

In a society based on doing, we can’t just have it that easily, right?
We need to deserve the good we get, isn’t it?
We need to work for it.
We take pride in achieving.

Yes, we tend to appreciate more what we’ve worked hard to get.
We love the reward after the challenge. A sense of accomplishment.

I understand that it may be sensible in the context of work, creation, invention
but Love…. really?
Is that really what we want? Love, People, Relationships as challenges?

I understand it might be deep wired in the way we do things nowadays, so much so it blends into all areas of our lives

but to this I ask to look closer;
Is the thrill of the challenge and the conquest really more satisfying than the sweet embrace of unconditional and already given love?

I don’t know for you but to me it is easy to choose.

I want my partner to love me, plain simple.
I don’t want to have to chase him. I don’t have to play games in order to conquer his interest.
I am not interested in these games.
I want him to know, I trust him to know.
To know that he loves me, how and why he loves me, and this without having to do anything, to prove anything. Just by being me. Because Me is Great

I want that to be evident for him (as well).
That what he sees, and what he feels in my presence is so magnificent that yes he loves me, wants more of me in his life, wants to build a partnership, because it’s obvious.

That is also what I offer, because that’s all I have.
When I love, I know it, and I share generously.
It doesn’t have to lead to a relationship, that’s a second step. I just love, I own my appreciation fully and I communicate it.
It’s a joy for me to love, I want to share that joy.

Note to the sceptics who believe unconditional doesn’t exist.
I agree. Unconditional loving is far out of reach for most of us.

The very fact that I love a specific person more than any other person just proves that my love is conditional to them. YES.
What I mean here is that my love for that specific person is so big that I am more interested in them and their unique honest personal expression than what they may represent in my life, and the boxes they may tick in the long list of my ideals.
And as a result of this, no matter how different they might evolve in the future, I will honour this personal expression more than my own interest. Because my love for them doesn’t entitle me to the ownership of their expression or their evolution.
And I would have no problem to walk away if this expression differs so much from what I used to know and enjoy that we have become incompatible.
I honour and respect human individuality so much that to me it’s not worth it to cling onto a relationship for what it used to be in the past. The only constant is change.
Either we evolve together or we evolve separately.

This is — how — I love.

To me, honouring everyone’s unique expression above interpersonal interest is the highest form of Love.
The world needs people who are fully themselves, not compromised by “love”.
Love was never meant to be a limitation.

Another thing I came to understand about the modern narrative around Love is that telling someone we love them, and openly showing love and care, especially if we have no proof of reciprocation is a form of weakness.

In a context of constant dishonour of the sacred and manipulation, of course, showing genuine love can be a disadvantage.

So many people have done horrible things, including betraying themselves “in the name of love”. If when you love, you lose yourself, your self-esteem and self-respect, then yes you’re in troubles. If when you love you tolerate the worst of the behaviours, and people to take advantage of you, then of course loving appears as a weakness.

yet to this I ask; Does it have to be like this?
The fear of Love is a disease that is preventing us from healing our hearts.

With such behaviours and narratives, we denigrate the one most beautiful experience we have as Humans. And we’re all responsible.
Not only we disrespect ourselves in the name of Love, we also sully Love itself by doing so.
What a horrible thing to do.
What other disrespectful things are we willing to do to justifying our need for connection?
No wonder why Love has became something so rare.
And we entertain it being stingy with our love, keeping it for the special ones, and sharing only when requited.

Our craving for human connection should never justify manipulating what love is. LOVE IS PURE, LOVE IS POWERFUL, LOVE IS SACRED
and Love has no string attached, no prejudice, no ulterior motives.
LOVE IS

At least, that’s how I chose to live it.

One last thing, a question.
— For all the challenge motivated people in our beloved doing-driven society —
What about shifting the challenge towards building a healthy, generous, kind and balanced relationship?

Coming back to me, and to my crush, this is what I would tell him :
(because I doubt I’ll be able to hide my Love, haha)

“I may love you, from the start, from the very first moments I tuned into your energy, before we actually know each other, I still have no idea if we are compatible for a relationship.
Only practice can tell.
I am not going to give you my all, just because I deeply appreciate the expression of what you are. That should never be a consequence of Love.
I’ll give you my love, it’s free, you already have it, but for my life, my time, my energy, my care and my attentions, it will come as the result of the co-creation of a beautiful journey.
On every step of this shared adventure, I will observe how live your life, if you walk your talk, I will notice what matters to you, what you want to achieve with your life, what you aim to create to in a romantic partnership, and most of all, in the midst of all that, I will witness how you treat me.
Then only I’ll know if we’re meant for a relationship, then only you’ll have the whole of me”

Dear reader, dear friend,
if I can only leave you with one thing today, it would be the following, because it’s one of my favourite piece of wisdom:
Love doesn’t involve relationship.
These are two different things.
The first one comes from the heart, it’s an experience we should not even try to label (limit), the later is comes from the mind, it’s an agreement, the vessel of a shared adventure.

For you who made it until here:
Welcome to my brain, I hope you enjoyed the tour.
I LOVE YOU
Take care.

Magalie

MOOD SONG

— Ersatz of a bio —

Hi, my name is Magalie, born in a female body, which I love, born in a country I never felt really conformable with, so I chose to live elsewhere.

For those who don’t know me yet, two thing important to know:
I am neurodivergent and claircognizant, which never helped to see the world around me the way the majority of people do. But with every curse comes its gifts, and I believe my role here is to share unconventional views on our common human existence experience.

Summer 2015, I took a massive decision, based on a quote that I love: If you want to have something you never had, you have to be willing to do something you’ve never done.
I thus decided to retire from my “normal” life and never came back.
I took on an self-exploration journey. I wanted to better understand what I was on Earth for, as everything I’ve done previously, no matter how joyful these experiences were, never really has been truly fulfilling.

I found out that my deeper calling was Love, what a scary discovery!
Such a vast topic, a sensitive topic, an abstract topic, a loaded topic, full of confusion, beauty and a lot of BS.

I initially investigated to gain insights on my own issues, as we all do, but as I started sharing my findings, people asked me for more, which led me to run workshops, and people kept asking for more, which led me coaching and, more specifically, mentoring people on their own path towards self-love.
Find more on my website: https://www.opentolove.org/