Esau’s Anger

That was it.

I felt my blood boiling to the surface of my skin as I marched through our family encampment. People were scrambling to get out of my way.

And a good thing too. I may have begun killing any of them as a warmup.

The thought of going by my home to get my weapons crossed my mind but I quickly pushed the thought from my head. I wanted to kill Jacob with my bare hands.

I would feel the life leaving his body and I felt my life leaving mine only moments before.

“Your brother came deceitfully, and he has taken away your blessing…Behold, I have made him lord over you, and all his brothers I have given to him for servants, and with grain and wine I have sustained him. What then can I do for you, my son?”

The words of my father cut my like a knife. I cannot believe he had nothing left to give to me. If he loved me he would take the blessing back and give it instead to me.

If he loved me.

Mother always loved Jacob more. It was evident in her actions. She treasured the frail, wimpy son.

Perhaps he reminded her of the daughter she never had. That’s what I always told Jacob.

But father had always seemed to hold me in high esteem. He looked forward to my hunts so he could eat of the wild game. He and I spent countless nights gazing at the stars and discussing the Lord’s promise with grandpa.

Father seemed to believe the promise would be fulfilled through me and my bloodline.

Had something changed? What had I done to upset him? Why did he suddenly side with mother and the wimp?

My face flushed as I continued my way through camp.

Children played in the streets. All of them I knew. I deliberately pushed the younger siblings out of the way. For all I knew they were all in league with this younger sibling of mine.

No. Jacob was no longer my brother.

Suddenly I knew how Cain had felt and I believed he was justified in killing his little brother.

A story which seemed so far fetched for all of my life now took form and the message changed all because one thing in my own life changed.

The Lord did not kill Cain as punishment, and He is even less active these days than in the days of Adam and Eve. He would not kill me. He’s an unfair God. For all I know this is exactly how He wants me to respond.

I should have done this a long time ago. Jacob once convinced me to sell my birthright for a meal which I needed for my survival. I was exhausted and starving. Jacob had made a stew and would not give it to me unless I sold him my birthright.

“What good is a birthright to me dead?” I had screamed out. I never actually expected him to hold on to those words. I barely even remember uttering them.

The words felt more like a dream than they did an actual memory.

I finally reached the edge of camp and looked out across the wilderness. Over a mile away I saw a small figure running away.

Coward. Add that description to the list of despicable things which describe my brother.

Liar. Thief. Coward.

One day he will also be dead. I pray it will be by my hands. A small smirk twisted one side of my face as I thought about praying for Jacob’s survival into the wilderness just so he can return and die at my hands.

I screamed out into the wilderness behind him, hoping my words would travel faster than my feet could ever carry me.

Maybe they’d catch him by the ankle and trip him up, as he had held to mine at the time of our birth.

“You escapes fate today you coward! I hope you stay away until I die because if you ever come back justice will be served. YOU’RE A DEAD MAN, JACOB!”