Going The Opposite Direction

Conversations over Coffee with Nikki, a romanticizer who gets bored of modernization.

Fermin Hermin
Nov 5 · 7 min read

Wishy-washy.

That was me before, during, and after my coffee date with Nikki.

Before: “Should I ask her out to coffee tonight? Do I actually want to meet her or am I being desperate to write about someone?”

During: “I want to leave. When can I leave? I want to stay. How long should I stay out with her?’

After: “Fuck, should I write this story? I don’t want to write this story. Fuck I’m so exhausted.”

The majority of our conversation on Bumble was a back and forth disagreement about traveling in the United States. Nikki would rather not waste her time, opting for international travel instead. The U.S. is boring to her.

The history doesn’t run as deep, the architecture isn’t her taste, the culture lacks originality, and American men are assholes. I couldn’t disagree more. The U.S. is incredibly diverse — culturally speaking — with so many diverse cities.

50 states and nearly 330 million people and so much to offer.

But America is too Americanized for Nikki. I just don’t see the point in choosing. Traveling within our country and internationally sounds great, so why not both?

After vehemently disagreeing on Bumble I had to ask her out to coffee to argue in person. And by argue I mean, sit down, trade ideas and see things from someone else's perspective. I take on arguing from an academic perspective.

Not the yelling and screaming that my parents took part in. I prefer rhetorical barbs not emotional friction. The only problem was the Phoenix geography. I was in Tempe and she was in Sun City, which is more than an hour apart.

Luckily, I had to drive back in her general direction anyway. So after suggesting coffee shops that were nowhere near her general vicinity, we settled on a quaint little obscure coffee shop in Peoria.

Starbucks. Ever heard of it?


I was turned off.

You might think it’s petty to get turned off by someone’s opinion on something as trivial as travel destinations but I value well thought out opinions. I just don’t agree with Nikki’s view of the U.S. But I didn’t argue with her.

I just sat there, somewhat in shock, with how committed she was to arguing how boring America is. I was ready to leave. My arms were folded, I sat back in my chair in the Starbucks patio and thought:

“This girl is definitely not stupid but her romanticization of international travel is skewering her view to the point of producing a reductive and quite honestly shallow opinion of in-country traveling. In summation, her argument is dumb.”

I didn’t say that out loud because I make a daily effort to not be an asshole to people anymore. But Intellectual stimulation is a must for me. All the blood rushed out of my brain. I was intellectually flaccid.

Then the conversation turned to her dating history.

My mood changed. She talked about not feeling good enough via previous toxic relationships that left her with no confidence. Nikki is in a rebuilding stage. Then I thought to myself:

“Why are you such an asshole? Can’t you respect someone else’s opinion without getting turned off? Furthermore, she is giving you her time and telling you slightly vulnerable things. Be appreciative you fuckin’ douche.”


Nikkie deserves something to commend her public service.

Two of her previous serious boyfriends were virgins when she met them. God bless her soul. Kind of like puppy dogs, she taught them everything she liked, so by the end, they were obedient (at least in bed they were).

If that doesn’t constitute some type of merit badge or service medal, I don’t know what does. Thank you for your service Nikki. I could never do that shit. I wouldn’t even put in the work to improve a bad kisser.

I wouldn’t even know how to go about doing that. I have long believed that you can improve bad sex but bad kissing is such a turn-off to the point it’s not salvageable. Apparently, not for Nikki.

For Nikki, it’s not about placing blame or telling them what they are doing wrong. It’s a We problem, not a He problem. Even though it is, the little white lie softens the blow.


We talked a lot about sex.

It dominated our conversation after Starbucks closed. Instead of going somewhere else, we camped out, sitting on top of the back of my car. We traded stories, expressed personal preferences, and lamented about things we didn’t like.

Nikki told quite possibly the funniest story I have ever heard of Dick Desperation. What’s Dick Desperation? A DD story is (usually) the female version of a horny person going to varying lengths to get laid.

Aside from being horny, Nikki was hung up on this tall white basketball player she knew for a minute. He left her high and dry multiple times before she booked a hotel room to seal the deal.

The problem was, they were an hour apart. Back and forth driving was involved to pick him up. To make a long story short — also because I don’t want to share too many intimate details about this guy — they went to the hotel, got naked with no foreplay and then in…

One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Six. Seven. Eight. Nine…

Ten seconds he came.

With no apologies, shame, embarrassment, or returning of the favor, he promptly got dressed and asked her to drive him back to his place. Then on the drive back he gave her a sob story about some girl he was hung-up on.

She made him pay her back for the hotel plus gas money.

Good for you Booboo.


Nikki has her shit together but she’s not particularly happy.

Arizona is not her vibe. She’s from the Pacific Northwest and yearns to be out and about traveling overseas. A bachelor’s in history, a master’s in teaching, and zero debt, most people would trade places with Nikki in a heart beat.

But she’s not ready to teach yet. In January, she’s going to start flight attendant training. She wants to work for private charter airlines so she can travel overseas. After traveling in Europe and Asia for seven months after finishing undergrad, it got her hooked.

She can’t imagine life without traveling.

From Wenatchee, Washington, a city with less than 40,000 people, she still knows people there that have never left the city. It baffles her. In between her wallowing in Arizona and next job in January, Nikki has a lot of time to do nothing.

Which gives her plenty of time to date!

I feel like people fundamentally misuse dating. So many people see it, rather want it, to be a gateway to a relationship. But by doing so they bypass the time that is supposed to be enjoyed during the dating period.

Not enough people are present in the moment and they take the time spent for granted. I hate that shit. But even I do that. When Nikki was explaining the way she likes to make out it reminded me of Jen.

Fuck me Jen was such a good kisser. In all honesty, she was the best kisser I’ve ever had. The hours we would spend just making out…It was so much fun. Nothing more, nothing less. I took that for granted.

Then that made me think of my Unicorn. All the times I would fantasize about her lips and how bad I wanted to kiss her ran through my mind. Making out truly is the best.

Nikki needs to find someone she can just make out with for the next two months before she leaves. But this time, she needs to find someone she won’t have to teach.

Thanks Nikki, school is out.

A Few Questions For The Road (Nikki’s Takes)

Rank by most to least pleasurable: Art, Food, Love, Sex, and Sleep.

1st: Food, 2nd: Art, T-3rd: Sex, Sleep, 5th: Love

What is the hardest/worst thing about being a woman?

When you walk alone at night you have to be aware of your surroundings thinking about your safety. No matter the circumstance or situation if I am alone by myself I pay attention to who is around me. I would love to be able to just walk at any time, anywhere, and be alone without worrying about my safety.

What is the easiest/best thing about being a woman?

Certain expectations are not as high compared to men. There isn’t the societal pressure to be the provider and protector. As a woman, you don’t have that pressure to be all that. Also, I’m not very intimidating so I am approachable to people that may want to get to know me, so that has given me many opportunities to meet all types of people.


If you like what you’ve read, make sure to give it a clap, comment, and share. You can also follow my journey on Instagram at fh_travels_2019.


Conversations over Coffee

A blog about the people I meet on dating apps as I travel the country

Fermin Hermin

Written by

I travel and write stories about the people I meet on dating apps. Follow the journey on Instagram: @fh_travels_2019

Conversations over Coffee

A blog about the people I meet on dating apps as I travel the country

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