Back to School Scramble -Conversations with Katie
As I begin my Mindful Approach to Social Media presentations for the 2022–2023 school year, my inbox is full. I am inundated by emails and private messages on every social media platform from countless schools and parents with questions, concerns, and requests for advice. Usually, my busy season starts a bit later. In the past, schools tended to spend September acclimating to the new year. I would start receiving requests for bookings in October and give presentations steadily throughout the rest of the school year. However, this year, many schools started reaching out to schedule me over the summer. At first, I assumed they were just thinking ahead and being proactive post-pandemic as daily in-person activities resumed. But after the first week of school, when questions and requests came flooding in, I realized that it was not just good planning — it was the existence of an immense, unmet need. I started my program because I felt that kids were screaming for help dealing with social media, but now I feel the urgency from school districts, as well. This problem is consuming kids and grossly impacting their emotional and academic education.
Post-COVID, most of us need to do a little digital detoxing. So, I created a back-to-school self-evaluation for kids, parents, educators, and administrators to assess how they use social media and how it impacts students and their education. My hope is that honestly answering these questions will help you pinpoint the issues you are facing and offer some guidance so kids can have greater success both emotionally and educationally in the school year ahead. My advice is to consider your answers and how you feel about them. There isn’t an answer key, but more detailed information regarding the importance of this type of self-evaluation, as well as ways to adopt healthier habits, can be found in my first book, Don’t Press Send.
Teens — These questions can help you evaluate your own social media use, including how it makes you feel, and how necessary it feels to your life.
How often is your phone off, out of reach, or in another room?
Never Almost never Sometimes Often Always
Do you contact your parent or guardian during the school day?
Never Almost never Sometimes Often Always
Do you scroll social media when you want to avoid difficult emotions?
Never Almost never Sometimes Often Always
Do you find yourself paying attention to your device when you are in the company of others?
Never Almost never Sometimes Often Always
Do you post things in the hopes of receiving lots of likes?
Never Almost never Sometimes Often Always
Do you worry that you might miss out on something if you spend too much time offline?
Never Almost never Sometimes Often Always
Do the things you see on social media make you feel good?
Never Almost never Sometimes Often Always
Do you continue scrolling social media even after you’ve seen something that makes you feel excluded?
Never Almost never Sometimes Often Always
Having your phone readily accessible at every moment can make it hard to detach from what’s on the screen. It’s a lot easier to pay attention to what’s going on around you when your phone isn’t vibrating in your pocket, reminding you that you might be missing something, adding to the feeling of FOMO (fear of missing out).
It can be hard to evaluate the impact of a habit when we’re engaged in it. Taking a conscious break from social media during the day might help you to recognize which behaviors are fun and refreshing to you, and which ones might be affecting your emotional well-being.
Parents — These questions are intended to help you consider the role of social media in your family, and whether you and your child have an open dialogue about its impacts. (By the way, most of the questions above for teens can be helpful for adults to ask themselves as well!)
Do you model detoxing or disconnection from social media from time to time?
Never Almost never Sometimes Often Always
Do you use social media with good intent?
Never Almost never Sometimes Often Always
Do you post pictures or anecdotes that feature your child/children on social media?
Never Almost never Sometimes Often Always
Before posting pictures or anecdotes that feature your child, do you discuss what you plan to post with your child?
Never Almost never Sometimes Often Always
Do you have discussions with your child about how social media is affecting their well-being?
Never Almost never Sometimes Often Always
Do you contact your child, or does your child contact you during the school day for any reason?
Never Almost never Sometimes Often Always
If your child encounters something uncomfortable on the internet, do they feel safe addressing it with you?
Never Almost never Sometimes Often Always
Have you addressed with your child the reality that there can be dangerous people behind our screens, and what to do if they find themselves in an uncomfortable or scary situation?
Never Almost never Sometimes Often Always
Do you tolerate social media habits in your family life that you recognize as harmful, such as being constantly online, ignoring others who are present in person, or scrolling social media right before falling asleep?
Never Almost never Sometimes Often Always
Have you permitted social media in areas of your life that diminish interpersonal relationships, such as the dinner table, family gatherings, holidays, or celebrations?
Never Almost never Sometimes Often Always
Many of us, as parents, tell our kids to get off their phones all the time — but that doesn’t necessarily mean we have had the in-depth discussions they need from us. Most children will not want to be the first one to raise a sensitive issue, especially when it’s something that could be embarrassing or shameful, such as feeling excluded, being harassed, or encountering disturbing material. Maintaining an open dialogue about social media, how it makes them feel, and whether it is interfering with their well-being is an important priority. The open dialogue needs to include our own social media behavior, as well. Children can feel pressured or uncomfortable when their parents post about them online, even when the things that are posted are positive.
Meanwhile, the behavior we model shapes the behavior our children will engage in. Contacting a child while they are at school, or encouraging them to contact us, reinforces the idea that they should always be available and attentive to the demands of their device. It’s incumbent on us as adults to remember that in a true emergency, we can always contact the school office. Keep in mind that forgotten cleats or homework do not constitute a true emergency.
School districts — These more open-ended questions might require some investigation. However, answering them can help you determine whether your child’s school has clear policies, what the reasoning behind them is, and how the policies are enforced.
What is the school district’s cell phone policy?
Is the district’s cell phone policy clearly communicated to parents and students?
Are children allowed to use cell phones within the confines of the school building during off periods, lunch, or other unstructured time? Why?
What are the ramifications should someone be using their cell phone during school day?
Are earbuds permitted in the building? If so, why?
Is there a designated area where cell phone use is permitted? Or are there designated areas where it is not?
What is the protocol in the case of a lockdown? In a true emergency, will parents be notified and updated by the automated calling system used for district- or school-wide alerts?
There are three sections to this evaluation because the three prongs need to align: students, parents, and schools. If you find that your school district does not have clear policies on social media and cell phone use, or that it does not enforce the policies it has, this may be a good time to contact your school to create a compact team or committee. This team should be composed of students, parents, teachers, and administrators to improve the way your school handles cell phone and social media use. I can tell you firsthand, as someone who is in and out of countless schools, that smartphones are impeding their education and their emotional well-being. It is high time to start reflecting on our usage personally as parents and as a school community. We need to implement and enforce a clear cell phone policy so that we can help our children find technology’s proper place before it does any more harm.
