Week 118: Getting to the Inside
Just because the sweet potato skin is a little charred doesn’t mean anything about the inside…
Each Sunday, my wife and I cook and eat a meal together — intentionally. Every Friday, I’ll be sharing our experience here in this space. I want to see the growth that will come in our marriage because of this. I hope you enjoy our story. You can find last week’s post here.
As I scooped out all the fixin’s of my sweet potato taco bowl, a shred of the potato skin flaked off. It was a dark brownish color and charred around the edges. It didn’t look appetizing in the slightest. Then I took a bite of what was inside it, and all memory of it washed away. They say it’s the stuff on the inside the counts. Maybe they’re right.
Charred Edges
I’d venture a guess that most people don’t particularly enjoy fighting. It’s hard when you feel that you’re not being heard or a miscommunication caused things to get blown out of proportion. Yelling and anger usually aren’t appreciated either.
At the same time, though I don’t seek out fights, I think Sarah and I have grown in our marriage in powerful ways through our ability to learn through fighting. One major thing I’ve learned is that my compulsion in the middle of a fight to just “make things better” is not always the healthiest reaction. Sometimes we need to sit in the tension — in separate rooms even. Because, at the end of the day, the root is often that someone doesn’t feel heard. And simply closing the fight may not address that.
Sarah and I had a fight this day.
It wasn’t anything particularly incendiary, but it was hard like any fight. I felt that Sarah had twisted my words. But that’s just it — I was only focused on MY words. I wasn’t thinking about how what I said may have sounded to Sarah. I’ve realized that empathy is often something I need much more of in these situations. Unfortunately, I usually come to these realization far later than I should.
Fights have charred outer edges.
That’s all you can see at first — the burnt spots. It covers the whole thing. But once you get past that outer layer of harsh words and selfishness, you realize there’s a richness underneath. An opportunity for empathy and healing. You just have to get past the burnt spots.
I think we’re getting better at fighting, which doesn’t mean we fight more. Just that we do it better. We have begun to realize what sets the other off. We know better when to give the other person space. And we catch ourselves when a statement was made with harsh intent rather than empathy.
The skin may be burnt on the outside, but the inside has sweetness, cheese and taco meat.
Or something like that.
