I’m a piece of shit

I look like the guy you should avoid on a dark street corner

I smell like him too,

Cigarettes on my breath and fingertips

I became the guy I was taught to hate;

Unkempt hair, overgrown beard,

Poster child for failure and poor life choices

If you look me in the eye, you’ll see it growing; the darkness

Dr. Jekyll is slowly giving way to Mr. Hyde

He’s winning you know. My demons are rejoicing, my angels mourning

I look like the guy that makes mothers pull their children close

They point at me and admonish them

“If you aren’t obedient, you’ll end up like him”, they say.

I laugh like him too, manically, the smile never reaching my eyes.

I was once like you, full of dreams,

Then they became nightmares

Now I am a nightmare, an abomination.

I’m slowly fading, becoming invisible

I live in the shadows, I stopped trying

I embraced the madness, the freedom of derangement.

I look like the guy you pray every morning not to be

I smell like him too, alcohol mixed with sweat,

Blood stained fingernails from scratching my skin raw where the mosquitoes have feasted

My only friends left are the voices in my head

They tell me all these funny things,

I laugh, I laugh, laughter turns into coughing fits

My lungs are giving up, burnt black by the constant smoke I breathe

I look like the guy you should avoid on a dark street corner

Because you can’t trust if he’s still human, still sane.