Embellishment and Expansion
Thanks for the high praise. I am going to frame your response and use it to embellish my CV.
You are asking a compound question here plus you are limiting yourself to the cycling option and the “clown car” option, whatever that is. As I strongly hinted, you can walk from the town hall square; nobody is gonna force you to cycle.
Don’t limit yourself, there are lots more options:
- Taxi
- Buses
- Water Buses
- Walking
Consequences of Bike Option
I got knocked off my bike the other day; I thought I’d broken my arm. A kind passer-by tried to pull me up from the cycle lane where I lay screaming (I am pretty good at hamming it up plus it hurt like fucking hell) taking particular care not to touch my breasts while doing so. I shrugged him off, rolled onto my good side and pushed myself half-up.
He and a young woman hovered over me, brimming with fellow-feeling and sympathy. I milked the moment for all it was worth. I sat pathetically on a doorstep nearby and howled for a few minutes as the cyclist who’d brushed against me and caused me to lose my balance looked on sheepishly but was gone the next time I looked.
“Your mascara is running,” the young woman said, “May I?”
Even in my distraught state, I anticipated a wipe with a tissue (maybe she was a mom; moms always have extra tissues at the ready) but to my astonishment, she licked her thumb and used her spit-lubricated digit to anoint me under the eye and wipe away the blotches of mascara that I myself was unable to see. Besides, I was in so much pain that runny mascara was the least of my worries which is most unusual for me. I am normally deeply 😱 concerned 😳 by that kind of superficial stuff.
I was on my way to afternoon coffee with a friend and I managed to one-hand text her that I’d probably broken my arm but was on my way. The spit lady had locked my bike for me and taken my travel card out of my purse for easier accessibility. By a strange coincidence, a mutual acquaintance had recently broken BOTH arms in a bicycle accident and my friend thought it was a bad joke when she read my text. Anyway, she helped me choose an emergency room in a posh part of town but by the time we’d gotten there, the internal pain had eased off considerably even though the grazing stung a great deal. After a while I figured that my arm probably wasn’t broken after all since the pain had subsided considerably after about an hour. When the nurse told me that I might have to wait two hours to be seen, I decided to call it a day.
Taxi
Copenhagen is overrun with foreign engineers and economists who can’t get a real job (like me) and are driving taxis instead. While this gives lots of stimulating conversation and food for thought, it also means you end your taxi ride with horror that the former Governor of the Iranian Central bank is jostling for rides at the central station and you are forced to acknowledge the Danish reality that no education outside the hallowed borders of the kingdom of Denmark really counts in the job market.
Buses
These are WAY too complicated for me. I give up; you’ll have to figure this one out on your own.
Water Buses
Also a mystery. You can hop on and hop off and use your travelcard. I have sailed on them a couple of times but am not yet confident enough to advise anyone on how, where and when but nonetheless, also an option.
Metro
The Scandinavian equivalent of self-driving cars. Brilliant. Clean. Efficient. Frequent. Fast. Quiet. Wonderful damping. 5 or 7-minute walk from two metro stations. Works using travelcard.
Arbitrage and Mildew Bucks
I like your make-money idea. I’m not just saying that because you’re the owner and I a mere editor. (BTW, you are absolutely welcome to submit articles to my two vanity publications. I just added you as a writer on both of them. I’m not yet ready to admit that my remaining 5 publications are also vanity publications)
Anybody can issue cryptocurrency.
My 14-year-old son just made 100 bucks on bitcoin. He’s in his seventh heaven.
I’ve searched all over Medium for the best articles on cryptocurrency and put them together for you:
…okay, okay, you’ve figured out that I just searched the cryptocurrency tab and selected a few of the top articles (one of whose headline words ends in “i” kinda like illuminatii) and if life-hacking is anything to go by, the best always rises to the top in Medium, dosen’t it?
Actually, all of this is just a prelude to the real reason for this longest message I’ve ever sent you:
The turquoise pillbox on the other side of the bridge is available for rent.
This is an opportunity that The Athenaeum can’t afford to let go by.
We could double our square footage in one swell foop. We can use one building for office purposes and rent the other out to money-haemorraging tourists at a premium via AirBnB.
I’ve included some photos:
Oh, and one other thing.
I’m hiring Leah Stella Stephens for our cryptocurrency launch.
Can you approve the job offer:
Task: Launch of Mildew Buck
Salary: 5 Mildew Bucks per month
Duration: Three months with option to renew
Offer valid until July 15.
Awaiting instructions on how to proceed.
More from Augusta:
Lots more articles on Copenhagen here:
