I Just Got Laid Off Again. Here’s How I’m Really Feeling.

The raw emotions of chronic unemployment

Annika Hotta
7 min readOct 4, 2024

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A dark-skinned black man wearing a do-rag and white long-sleeved shirt stares pensively out the window. Out the white framed, double door window is what looks to be a latin city with terracotta Spanish roof tiles, yellow buildings, and a gray sky.
Photo by Nubelson Fernandes on Unsplash

I had a bad feeling when my boss scheduled an impromptu video call with me last week. My three-month probationary period was coming to a close, and I wasn’t sure whether I’d continue in a part-time capacity or be promoted to full-time. Being laid off entirely never crossed my mind.

Over the last few days, I’ve cried a lot, done a deep clean of the apartment, and taken a day trip with my husband. Each of these things are instrumental to feeling better when the news is still raw. Unemployment is a juggling act of grieving, living, and finding a way forward.

If you can’t tell by now, this isn’t the first time I’ve been laid off, and it likely won’t be the last. But being a veteran of unemployment doesn’t make layoffs any easier, so today, I want to get vulnerable about all the emotions swirling in my brain at the moment.

How I ended up here again

My first layoff was via text message.

It was days after COVID-19 was declared a pandemic and a month shy of my college graduation. Rather than my boss of four years, it was my co-worker who let me know I was being let go.

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Annika Hotta
Coping with Capitalism

Professional Alexander Graham Bell hater who writes about accessibility, education, disabled stories, & life in Japan. https://buymeacoffee.com/annikahotta