The Journey Seven months after school
It gets better. Every day it gets a little better.
On the 4th of August 2023, I got in a cab to the airport which would be my last airport taxi from my university.
I felt so many things at that time, I felt fear, I felt loss, for the life I used to know and for the people I loved who would now be miles away, but in the midst of all my emotional turmoil, I was ecstatic, I was so excited to experience my new life waiting for me outside those gates.
You see, prior to when I left school, I fell in love with design, I used to jump from one design project to another all the time. I spent most of my Saturdays in my room, designing, researching or just consuming design content and literature. I even used to go room to room to ask if people in my hall if they would participate in my user research or beg my friends to test and review my prototypes every week.
And it paid off. Within just a few months of fully transitioning into design, I ended up writing one of my best case studies. It captured the attention of some people, including someone who reached out to me and offered one of the biggest job opportunities of my life.
I remember thinking at that time that my design career was about to explode.
Literally and Figuratively.
After that I was literally on cloud ninety nine till I left school. I couldn't wait to get out, I felt like the rest of my life was just waiting for me, I could see it, I could feel it and I could definitely smell it.
I could smell the sweet scent of freedom when I moved to Lagos after school, I could see all the design projects I was going to do, how my desk at my new job would look and all the things I would do with it, I’d start writing gain, build my personal brand, I’d create things I never thought I’d create before.
I’d finally be free, be creative, be present.
And then, on the 31st of August 2023, I got Rejected.
— right at the last stage of my interview process.
I remember how the world literally paused as the notification innocently dropped on my phone screen, how I struggled to breathe those few seconds that I clicked my rejection email and how my plans and goals for the past three months turned to dust in just one second — one email.
That meant that all my Lagos dreams were over, all my plans were over, all my friends were out of reach and I was officially condemned to my parents house.
And it just got worse from there.
Two weeks following my rejection, I started having problems with the client I had been working for, which was my only source of income at the time.
And then after a while I realized that I was utterly alone, I was in a strange city that I barely knew, all my friends were in Lagos, and I had no idea of when or if I was ever going to see them again. The friends I did have in Abuja were either in school or just out of reach so they weren't an option at that time.
And the job market was just made everything much worse. After my rejection, I kept telling myself that it was a redirection, that if that company didn’t want me, there were going to be so many others who would. So I picked myself up and sent my portfolio and my star case study to so many people in different companies but I kept getting aired, dismissed or rejected😭.
The job market, coupled with my loneliness, and my previous painful rejection changed something in me, I started to doubt myself and question my whole tech journey. I began asking myself questions, like if I was just wasting my time in an over saturated industry that had no space for me? If design was even the future? and if not what was I going to do with the rest of my life instead?
I found it so hard to work on my personal design projects again, I just couldn't, I didn't understand it myself because I did try, but I was dealing with so much at the same time and I just didn't have it in me anymore.
I had gone from someone who was brimming with design concepts and ideas to someone who spent her days watching Daria and listening to Tems to make sense of what was going on in her life.
And this was just three months after school.
“It’s like there was a train that was heading to the rest of my life and I just missed it” — Veronica, Riverdale
This quote was something Veronica said in Riverdale and it perfectly explained what I was going through in those months, I felt like that job opportunity was my one and only bus to launching my design career and now that I had missed it there were no more buses on my route coming to pick me up.
It took me about three months to overcome the rejection and process what exactly what was happening in my life. I had to have many calls with loved ones and even reached out to a therapist to find clarity on the direction of my life.
And after multiple late nights calls with my therapist and rants in Daniel’s and Rabome’s dms, I finally understood what was wrong with me.
For the past 16 years of my life, I had been in school without a break, gap year, or even a carryover. I was so accustomed to passing my exams and consistently moving from one educational milestone to the next that when I encountered failure for the first time, I found myself utterly unprepared to accept it.
Instead, I internalized my failure, and spent most of my energy looking for a job to redeem myself in my eyes — to tell myself that I was good enough, which also further depressed me because then I realized that no one really wanted me.
I wanted all my dreams and goals to come fast, the way they usually had in school, but I forgot that I was literally just a girl who had finished writing ECN423 three months ago and life doesn't work that way. In the real world, things take time, people have to start small to get big and not everything will work out the way I want it to, no matter how hard I try.
Over time, I understood that there was so much more to being a designer than just designing (strange but true) I was a great designer but I was also so young and so new to the workforce, there was a lot a needed to learn around work ethics, communication and collaboration. And I guess the company that rejected me could see that too.
I also realized that its okay to not know. It’s okay to not be sure where you’re going and It’s okay to change your mind and take risks and to fail. It’s perfectly okay to fail.
Life after school is filled with uncertainty, and yes that’s a bad thing but it’s also a good thing, because uncertainty can also mean possibility. It means that its still possible for me to become whoever I want to be and to grow into whatever kind of person I intend to be. Anything can happen, and anything can change, and that can be a beautiful thing.
So in light of those realizations, I chose to forgive myself and start small. I stopped applying to Jobs and started focusing on myself — and my work.
The first small step I took was being visible on LinkedIn and interacting more people online again.
Then I went to Nysc camp in November, which allowed me to meet more people who were going through the same confusion as me, which made me feel a lot less alone and allowed me to make some good friends.
I also started taking small roles after Nysc, One of which is a start up that I took a chance on because I legit had nothing better to do, but turned out to be one of the best projects I’ve ever worked on, I did mobile design reviews and critiques for my developer friends and worked on small scale contracts for people.
and in December, I started a case study, a small one, which helped me get more comfortable with doing user research outside school and understand how to interact and research people outside a controlled environment like school.
It was a small step for my design career but a massive step for my confidence.
And somehow, through a recommendation from a past client and preparation, I landed my first full time design role, in January, six months after my rejection.
It’s February now, and life is okay if we ignore the rapid inflation and political insecurity hanging over our heads everyday. I’m taking small steps to my goals everyday and I’m learning to embrace being lost in my 20s and not knowing everything (in moderation sha).
I wouldn't say that I’m where I want to be yet and I don't even want to be there yet, I know there's still so many things for me to learn about myself and about design, and so many people I want to meet and so many things I want to create before I can say that “I’m there” and that's what I’m choosing to prioritize instead, my personal and professional journey, not milestones and achievements.
So, to anyone dealing with this tumultuous phase called life after school, I hope this reminds you that we’re all going through different kinds of struggles and that’s okay, getting there takes time and that’s okay too, we’re all dealing with it even though it looks like some of us have it better than others.
I’m going to end this with a quote from a speech given by Lisa Kudrow who acted as Phoebe in Friends (I don’t watch Friends jsyk),
“I understand that because the 20s, they are that time in your life when you’re really getting acquainted to self doubt, when there’s seemingly so much at stake. So, let me reassure you. It’s not supposed to be easy. You’re supposed to have moments of uncertainty about which path to take because the 20s are full of crossroads, but when one door closes another door always opens, it really does.”
Another door will open, another bus will come, just give it time.
