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When Your Depression Comes Back
On writing, mental health, and coping
I’ve been spending a lot more time in the bathtub lately, waiting all day to sink deep into the water — a liquid matter that seems to, somehow, fully comprehend my pain as it cloaks me in its warmth. Very Bell Jar of me, I know.
Over the past few weeks, my depression has crept back into my life, making a seat for itself like an unwelcome guest at a birthday party. As a person whose neurodivergence went undiagnosed for most of my life, I’m no stranger to anxiety, depression, or even suicidality. Depression is both constant and ever-changing, in that just as you grow used to the dull throbbing in the side, it evolves.
So today, I am launching a counterattack in the form of the written word — my favorite coping mechanism — in the hopes that I can unspool the messy contents of my sad brain and make myself feel a little better in the process.
Saying goodbye to a childhood idol
If I were to trace this back to a starting point, it would be the day Liam Payne died, October 16. Only a few years older than me, his particularly gruesome death not only reminded me of the fragility of life, but of a time when One Direction was my light in the dark.
