[PART 1/8] How To Never Be Without Money Again (… If You’ve Got The Cajones)

Hey there,

Today, I’m attempting to talk myself out of new clients while talking you in to creating your own kickass copy, and if you’ve got the cojones, money for life.

Here’s the juice:

Have you ever suspected that 99% of copywriters secretly believe they’re some kind of rockstar-combo of Hemingway, Elvis, and Hunter S. Thompson? Maybe with a splash of Bukowski thrown in for good measure?

We walk around (when we can be bothered to walk) with a refined air of mystery, like we’ve got all these arcane secrets hidden way in our copywriting bag ‘o’ tricks.

And if you mere mortals want to have any success selling your stuff, you’d better not be so foolish as to try and write ‘words’ onto ‘paper’ yourself… you know… like you have been doing everyday since graduating from pencil to pen sometime around 1st grade.

Because, if you do attempt to write words, you’ll fail miserably. Seriously. Just try it.

We dare you. We DOUBLE DARE you.

Try and write words onto paper, or type them onto a screen if you’re feeling really adventurous, and-then-just-you-see-what-happens. The humiliation will be worse than that thing that happened to you during puberty.

I know. I know. You tried to forget. But there it is. That’s what you get for even contemplating writing words.

Everything you’ve worked so hard for will be instantly ripped away from you. Your hopes of a better future will vaporize before your eyes in a puff of smoke that mysteriously spells out “I told you so” before vanishing with your dreams, for good.

Then, you’ll be dragged out into the the town square and put into the stocks, so small children can see what becomes of people who try to write words without being initiated into the arcane science of copywriting…

And it doesn’t end there…

Oh no…

Because only after the divorce, (around the same time you begin to realize the Dog doesn’t even like you anymore) do you truly start coming to terms with the disaster that is now your life.

And only then, will you begin to understand what a crazy idea it was to try and write your own copy.

I mean, dude. What were you thinking?

Copywriting is hard, and it’s complicated, and it’s way too complicated for the likes of you.

Blah. Blah. Blah.

Truth is…

Writing Sales Copy Is As Easy As Spelling Out Your Name In Alphabet Soup

You need a bowl, a spoon, and a basic grasp of English.

And no matter what you hear, you don’t have to invest anymore in your copy than a you would on a can of Campbell’s soup.

Here’s why:

Copywriting is nothing more than a jumble of words, spewed forth onto paper, then mixed around until they make sense to an 11-year old.

I’m serious. If an 11-year old can grasp your sales message you’re in business. Which is why any copywriter worth their salt checks their copy using the Flesch Kincaid score (FK Score).

This is a handy little scale was originally developed in 1975 by Peter Kincaid and co. for the US Navy to make sure critical information was conveyed as efficiently as possible.

Makes sense, right. You don’t get many loquacious text books effusing over the power and speed and sound of missiles leaving the tube.

Just release the catch. Load the missile into the tube. If it’s tight, something’s wrong. Remove the missile. Check carefully, and start again. Once successfully loaded the missile is ready to launch. Press the big red button.

… or something.

I have no idea about loading missiles, but you can bet the manual would’ve made it clear as day. Because you don’t want confused sailors in charge of missiles. Everyone knows that.

So you just need to imagine your readers are confused sailors in charge of loading missiles. Or alternatively, you can use the FK score to check how complex your copy is, and therefore how difficult (or easy) it is for people read.

And that’s easy to do, you can do it here. Or if you use Microsoft word, it’s built right in.

(File>Options>Proofing>Check “Check grammar with spelling”>Show readability statistics. And you’re done.)

The reason is simple enough. You don’t want people struggling to read your copy. You don’t even want them thinking about your copy. And, if you’re trying to explain something complicated, it’s gotta be doubly-easy to read.

And writing in short sentences. The kind a high school kid might write. Like this. Is the best way to do it.

Think it’s too simple?

Well, I just checked a lead article in the New Yorker and it came back a the level of a 9th grader would read. Turns out we’re not so highbrow as we think we are.

So, like, you know, whatevs.

And here’s where many people go wrong. (Especially new copywriters, and the prancey ones who think they’re just killing time before writing their best seller).

People aren’t reading your stuff to be impressed by your writing. They’re reading it to get something they NEED. Don’t make them work for it. And DON’T make them bored.

It’s like Perry Marshall says:

“When your copy reads at a 5th grade level, a it’s primal gut level impact. It sails right into your reader’s brain and sticks. Your reader spends his brain cells digesting your ideas, not your sentences”.

And just in case you’re still thinking “buddy, I can’t even write gudenuff for’n leven-yer-old,” let me make this even easier for you.

You Can Write Your Own Copy Without Doing Any ‘Real Writing’ Yourself

I’m not talking about outsourcing or anything that’ll cost you money. You see, you don’t have to spend hours, weeks, or months staring at blank screen, stressed out and hating on Words.

And you don’t need to invest in guides, gurus, or a bumper pack of gogi berries to make you tick. Because I’m about to show you how to write copy that converts with no prior experience, no money down, and not even a single book read, course taken, or ‘gooroo’ followed.

The Promise

If you follow this simple advice you’ll know how to:

  1. Create your own copy for your own products and make sales.

2. Boost conversions on your squeeze pages, affiliate emails, sales letters, pre-sells and blog posts

Plus, as hard as this might be to believe right now, using the information in the rest of this article means:

You’ll Never Be Without A Way To Make Enough Money To Live

Big claim? Maybe.

But so long as there is advertising, marketing, and people scared to death of writing, copywriters will stay a rare and valuable commodity.

Which is why the 6 simple copywriting secrets I’m giving you over the next posts can set you up for life. But that’s it for now…

Part 2/8 reveals:

The #1 Thing Every Great Copywriter Has (… And Where To Get Yours)

To make sure you get them simply follow this publication.

Do that and I promise, WELL BEFORE the end of this 8-part copywriting primer, you’ll be more that ready to write your own copy and experience all the fun stuff that happens when you do.

Until then, then.