Loneliness: 1
To: Francis Pedraza
Saturday, 26 August 2017

Re: Discovering the Path Out of Loneliness

A response to “Discovery Sounds Strange” by Francis

Kendra McPhee ✨
Aug 26, 2017 · 4 min read

Being authentic does not mean that you stomp all over feelings and alienate people with your opinions. Authenticity = trust.

Speaking your mind and showing your feelings lets people know who you are and where you stand. Your needs are clear, and so are your boundaries. People know what to expect. This puts them at ease because it takes the social guess work out of the interaction. Remember… most people are just as worried whether or not you will like them! We are all afraid of rejection, but when we drop our guard and let everything out into the open, we release the energy that’s supplying worry and can instead use it towards the conversation and shared experience.

Trust leads to connection. Connection is the ultimate antidote to loneliness.

When we are our true selves, rejection hits extra hard. When we’re wearing a mask and people don’t accept us, it’s easy to say it was the mask they didn’t like — instead of the truth that’s underneath it. We develop masks to protect us. Masks are like uniforms. They help us fit in with a group. They are identifiers. We feel safe when we belong, so we’ve become brilliantly skilled at blending in.

Another point — How can we expect other people to like and know us if we don’t even like and know ourselves?

Yes, it feels safer to hide, but the safety we feel is an illusion. When we hide from ourselves and others, we rob the world of our gifts and we rob ourselves of experiencing our truth and joy. I guarantee you that this leads to resentment. Resentment festers away at our insides until we are filled with rotten disdain for ourselves and contempt for our world. I know this because I have been there. The beautiful flip side is that when we choose instead to be open (yes, it is a choice!), our hearts become so full there is no room for loneliness to take up residence.

If you’re interested in learning more about authenticity and vulnerability — and their link to fear and shame — I highly recommend visiting Bréné Brown’s excellent work on this topic, particularly her book, “Daring Greatly.”

Photo by Ian Espinosa on Unsplash

Correspondence

Making conversations public. Essays as friendship.

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Kendra McPhee ✨

Written by

Constantly re-learning how to live, occasionally writing about it // Passionate about 360° health and emotional literacy // Let’s get touchyfeely.co

Correspondence

Making conversations public. Essays as friendship.

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