October 10, 2021 ~ For Yasheng
I thought of you this morning because I was washing the glass container you lent me to bring delicious curry you made us the last time I was at your place! I miss our walks and talks. I miss talking sh*t with you about everything and anything. There are so many fond memories I have of just being on campus with you. I remember taking the long, scenic walking route back to your place from Science Hill. Honestly, I haven’t said this enough, but doctoral studies experience has felt lackluster due to the pandemic. There have been many times where I thought I didn’t sign up for distance learning and the milestones we’ve accomplished, well, I’ll speak for myself, they didn’t feel like accomplishments, but mere necessary steps to move onto the next big milestone. I’ve been doing my best to balance between work, school, and working on the dissertation, but it’s been rather difficult. While I know I’m doing the best I can, it never really (ever) feels like enough. Then again, coming from an immigrant Filipino family, this attribute of my desire to please and seek approval runs deep. As I mentioned to another friend, I feel the inside of my brain is a part torture chamber and part amusement park. Ha! All this to say that miss physical contact and in-person gatherings. This pandemic has made me feel pangs of regret for not saying yes or passing up quality time with friends. Admittedly, I’ve found myself loving my solitude and when I am confronted with being around more than one person, I find myself hesitant because I don’t want to talk about work, my dissertation, or art.
I know the last thing I sent you was rather morbid, but the case reminded me of watching Perfect Blue and how trauma is explored and meditated through anime and manga-style films. Also, my students this semester, half of them absolutely LOVE anime! I actually am recommending your work and scholarship to one of my students who is fascinated by the culture and schooled me on the permutations of anime (my goodness, there are many different kinds). I also think back to the interview I conducted with you the other year because I was a guest host for the State of the Art podcast. I’m so deeply grateful because the episode is a part of my sound and audio portfolio. Ugh. I miss you so much.
Besides working and school, I’m so curious about how your research, work, and writing have been going. Did you expand upon the tarot project you shared with me (which I could not get over)? I hope you explored more symbology and have been developing ideas on how to think through the major and minor arcanas. From what I recall, the imagery you drew was so rich and open to interpretation. I’m also thinking about the game you developed about watering plants! Recently, I wrote a missive to a former poetry teacher because she wrote a Medium post where one of her friends asked her the question, “Who waters you?” Instantly, I thought about your artwork and the various (and clever) ways you showed different attachment styles through the various “temperaments” of plants. For instance, I have one plant that I was not watering enough because I was under the impression it needed dry soil between waterings to thrive only to find out (because I almost killed it) that it needs the opposite! I was able to rescue it from two leaves! TWO LEAVES and instantly changed my caregiving to waking up in the morning and give it water and a spritz and NOW, it is absolutely thriving and loving the attention. But some of the mother plants don’t operate that way, I have a type of bromeliad that could be dry for weeks and STILL grow just by basking in the sunlight (then again, I was told they were as easy as succulents).
Overall, my plant game has been heightened. But yes, I admit, I’m a big kid because I bought myself a Birds of Paradise legos set and will place in my living room to add to the decor. I didn’t even realize that Legos came out with a Botanicals collection (you know, for adults, I’m not joking). Anyway, I’ll text you a picture when I finally put it together. I’m thinking of doing that when I meet some major milestones (which had deadlines like…last month, LOL!). Ahhhh, such is life. But I have been having a good time reading all of the books, essays, and articles about the human voice. I’ll chat with you soon, my dear. Love you. Miss you.
On the digital thread of the time-space continuum, here is a post from October 10, 2011.
