September 12, 2021 ~ For Laurie
I’m teaching your piece Solving My Way To Grandma. I discovered the work via The Shell Game, which is a book I’ve been recommending to people every time the topic of experimental prose and poetry comes up. Devi Laskar was one of my writing teachers this past summer for an interdisciplinary writers lab and she recommended the book to our cohort. I ordered it immediately. Every single piece is so damn, fucking potent. I rarely use expletives in these missives because they’re public “documents” as a year-long writing project that has become a daily ritual. I had to write you because I’m coming up with key lines and questions to my students to get them to think of both form and content differently. I deeply appreciate your use of the crossword puzzle as a “shell” because it brought me back to grade school reading comprehension and spelling assignments. While I never made Spelling Bee Nationals, I did compete in our school’s Spelling Bee! In any case, the crossword puzzle was a form we had to produce to show that we were conversant in the words we were being taught as well as their meanings. Then again, as we age, we kind of lose that desire to learn things in a different manner, form, or content. I’ve had my days where I just wish I got something straight away without having to think through and process. Shell Game has changed the writing game for me and I’ve been so deeply inspired every single time I read it. It’s been a balm quite frankly to my already exhausted and tired mind. When I’m feeling that I need some inspiration, I usually go straight for The Shell Game.
I noticed you have a book of essays being published next month! I’m looking forward to checking it out. It always feels like a real treat when I discover a new writer, but it’s always bittersweet when I know that they’ve been writing for some time. I do this strange thing where I think of where I was in my life when they wrote a particular piece. Well, that’s probably not strange to you, but it’s my way of time traveling, I guess. It makes the work come alive even more. For works that were before I arrived on earth, well, I think of what my ancestors and elders must have been like or gone through at the time of a particular writing. Only as I age and mature, I start to have an appreciation for writing as a form of expression. Lately, I’ve been questioning my relationship with academia (I highly doubt my advisor is going to read this letter and if she does, it probably won’t be until much later) because I feel that the degree I’m pursuing reinforced that I want to make things and write poetry and prose, perform, and do all types of things that artists do. Yet, I’ve never seen myself as an artist until now. I don’t care about ever being famous even though I asked my mom if I would ever be famous for my writing (I asked her this a few years ago). She replied, “You’re already famous for your writing.” I responded with a gleeful, “Awww, mom, that’s so sweet” to which she said, “Well, not Beyoncé famous.” 😑 Yes, a Filipino immigrant mother is the reason for me staying humble. Truly. Ha ha ha.
In any case, I should probably share some thoughts with you about my response to Solving My Way to Grandma. First, it’s timely and necessary considering the Texas ban on abortions after 6 weeks. I don’t even know how to process the scale to which that would affect people with a uterus (I’m also thinking of queer and trans community members because they too are affected). Although I have never had an abortion (primarily because I’ve never gotten pregnant), I would STILL appreciate agency and choice over my body as opposed to legislation that would define what I ought to do with it. I’m actually trying to think of my favorite word and clue from your puzzle and I can’t possible come up with one because they all are stories and universes within themselves. I actually read the work a few times because I wanted to do the puzzle on my own. I was able to guess most words, but not all! There was a moment in time when I tried to do NYT crossword puzzles and I stopped because I just felt like the biggest idiot not being able to get most of the clues. I almost feel that those puzzles are intentionally meant to be excruciatingly difficult. Your piece was exactly what I felt it ought to have been. It’s a mix of all the emotions and feelings when we think of family. From the epiphany or a-ha moment to the atypical nature of life really turns out for people just trying to survive. I’m so curious, who is the grandma? Not that it matters. It doesn’t. I guess it just felt so real and even though I’m not a grandma, all of those feelings and visceral reactions were very much felt every time I read the piece. I can’t wait to read more of your work.
On the digital thread of the time-space continuum, here is a post from September 12, 2011.
