The Secret To A Long-Lasting Relationship
I should know — I’ve been with the same guy for more than half of my life.
I’m 31 and I met my now-husband when I was 13. Therefore, someone recently asked me: “What is your secret to a long-lasting relationship?”
I answered: “Communication and trust.”
It was an accidental lie. Not the answer I truly know.
Truth is, I froze. Choked. Couldn’t remember the conviction of my faithfulness of 18 years to the first and only guy I’ve passionately kissed and is married to for almost half a decade.
So, I gave some half-arsed, standard response that held no weight or substance. Two things that weren’t exactly “it”. Though important, talking and trusting aren’t “the secret”.
I cannot believe I actually forgot what has kept me faithful all these years.
I guess I haven’t been reflecting about my life for a while now. I’ve been too caught up in the present, planning for the future that the past seems unimportant.
Or maybe it is something deeper than that? Maybe I simply wanted to forget?
I want to forget the difficulties, the rage, the lacklustre days. Forget. Bad thoughts banished. Negative feelings abandoned.
My husband and I bicker. A lot. We disagree on almost everything so oftentimes, one of us compromises. We’re actually quite the opposite of each other, in terms of character, personality and interest. But that’s fine. As long as we discuss the issue through and through, and try to resolve our differences (emphasis on “try to”) before going to bed, we’re fine.
But sometimes I choose to forget that our bickerings even happened, though they are all resolved. So even the good solutions and joyful memories get affected. They’re all an intermingled, multi-coloured circle of reality anyway, right? As we grow older, there seems to be a yellow star and blue teardrop in all our memory orbs, just like Riley’s from Pixar’s Inside Out.
And then I’m reminded, this was probably Jesus’s reality on the day He died too. During His time on the cross, I’m sure there was great pain — but also, there was great gain; in an act so pure and radiant (sacrificing one’s sinless life for the ones you love) that He carried our vices to His death. Even the Father had to look away. Still, God never forgets and lest we do, the Word reminds us.
I will have to read often, write more, and reflect always.
So, if someone were to ask me again in the near future: “What is your secret to a long-lasting relationship?”
I will always answer: “Commitment.”
In the course of my almost two-decade relationship, I’ve learnt that love should be viewed as a commitment, not a feeling. Feelings can be misinterpreted. They also change quickly or worse, can be simply swept aside and forgotten. But once committed to a relationship, or to anything for that matter, it becomes perpetual.
Just like how God’s love for me is perpetual. Jesus’s mere commitment to the cross is what has set me free. I can have a relationship with God because of what Jesus chose to do, not what he felt like doing.
And that is something I want to never ever forget. I know I am able to love because God first loved me. Well, anyway, that’s “my secret”. What’s yours?
