I’ve never had a random meeting that wasn’t a complete waste of time

And “ROI” is not a concept that applies to people

Gary Vaynerchuk writes that Taking Random Meetings Matters So Much, and describes a string of networking-type connections that led to apparently great things. Which is great! It seems to be working for him.

This is a thing I remember people doing in San Francisco, the “hey let’s meet for a drink! For no reason!” thing. I was young and didn’t know better, and I was curious, so I always went. And it was a waste of time, always. An hour of awkward small talk while my suitor discovered I didn’t know anyone important and couldn’t hook them up with anything interesting and that I wasn’t of any use to them. And then I went home and wondered what that was supposed to be about.

There was just one such meeting that wasn’t a waste of time. In DC, circa 1999, I took the Metro deep into Southeast to meet a couple of Situationists, either allies or enemies of the polarizing Len Bracken, I forget which.

They turned out to be a white-bearded 50-something and his somewhat younger girlfriend, and they took me out drinking like no one has taken me out drinking before or since. I dimly remember the conversation being riotous, filthy, intellectual and almost unintelligibly slurred, and I had a hell of a good time.

At the end they poured two or three shots of Midori and Bacardi 151 into me and sent me off to walk the few blocks home. I went the wrong way, wandered the streets of DC for several hours, peed on someone’s car I think? Eventually I got home and spent about a week horribly sick.

I never saw them again, and I’m not sure I ever even talked to them again. None of us had any connections or opportunities to offer each other. All we had was one shared evening making bad decisions and (in my case) a lifelong allergy to rum.

Now that’s my idea of ROI.