A story of discovery, love, and belief
Before you, my life was alright; I played a bit, read manga, watched a show, cooked sometimes, worked out most days, and traveled once in a while. My life went on, and things chugged along as they usually do.
Yet, I felt the scenery I saw and the music I listened to were mine alone; I had no soul to share. I sometimes thought I lived in the entire world all alone. I tried sharing, I did! But it seemed I was invisible. It felt like I communicated in an alien language. It never amounted to anything, and sooner or later, I would be back to where I had started.
I was afraid of letting anyone in. I had lost hope that I would ever find someone who could understand the world I experienced. I had many doubts. What if they see me weird? What if they leave me? What if they make fun of me? It has happened before, so why take chances? Doubts like these kept nagging me, but part of me didn’t want to be stuck alone, so I kept trying. A tiny spark in my heart kept me going, even when it seemed futile. That the world is huge to give up so soon.
Luckily, my efforts paid off. After countless rejections, I found someone who listened to me for the first time, who didn’t laugh off on the choices I had made in life, and someone that enjoyed my company.
She came into my life and said, “It’s alright, I believe in you”
After meeting you, slowly I opened up, the good & the bad, the normal & the weird and the absurd. You didn’t see a persona of myself. You saw the entire being that I forgot I had, that I was much more than I let myself be. I was flawed, and I was decent, like everyone else. I was finally accepted, gasped, and loved for being myself.
There were times when I wasn’t sure, I was afraid, but you were there, patient, caring, and always there. I am so grateful for that. Thank you so much for being there for me every time. I wanted to grow better and be worthy enough. I didn’t have this feeling before! Your trust and understanding have made me not lose. I still have a long way to go, yet each day seems exciting. I am getting better small steps at a time.
Even now, I still game, work on my laptop, watch a TV show, and cook a bit with you there. Still, now I do with a smile ever so wider, my eyes ever so brighter, my heart ever so lighter, and best of all, I am not lonely. Life can still go on without you, but I don’t want that life. It’s too drab without you being there. I don’t want to exist anymore; I want to live and share because it’s much more fun and fulfilling that way.
Today, I woke up in the morning.
You looked into my eyes and said,
“I knew I was right to believe in you”
That was it. That meant everything.