Counter Arts
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Counter Arts

Going Back to Bohemian Basics

A meditative journey to find who I hid away long ago.

An individual staring above at the cascading experience of multiple colors with the scraping of the edge wing of the Milky Way Galaxy slicing through the middle
(Photo by Greg Rakozy on Unsplash)

Preface:

For context, none of this was done through any use of drugs or other reality-altering substances. What I am sharing is a meditative journey experience I had, and how through it I rediscovered a crucial forgotten aspect of myself. This may seem pretty transcendental, and it is, so bear with me for those who might be more linear in their perspective of reality.

For many years, I have practiced deep-level meditation where I open up all aspects of myself to explore, heal, and learn about my insecurities and self in relation to the universe. In these meditation sessions, I have a very vivid and detailed experience where I journey around and interact with aspects of myself such as my Intuition and Guides in metaphysical forms.

Outside of the aspects of myself (such as my Intuition), the other aspects that I call Guides are human-like shaped beings, sexless, and do not have any identity relatable features that I can recognize. Too, I do not physically hear a voice from these Guides. Rather, they communicate through a (vocal) energy which they speak directly into my conciseness.

Others who are more familiar with this form of meditation practice have called this experience Shamanistic Journey Meditation. For those interested in understanding this form of meditation, you can read an article by Biotimeinc called Is Shamanic Journeying Meditation on this subject. That article can be found here: https://www.biotimeinc.com/is-shamanic-journeying-meditation/

Although this sharing seems a bit off from the subject title of this article, I can assure you that this is necessary in order to better understand the story I am about to detail.

The other day, I felt a strong unknown psychosomatic stress trigger within my conscious awareness. Seeking to answer this mysterious cause, I assembled myself and began a deep mediation. As I awoke into a transcended space beyond my normal reality, I became quick to realize that this space was an area of myself yet to have been explored.

The experience began in a pitch-black expanse. I assumed the space around me was square with walls on all sides, but I had no assurances about this geometry. Unknown to this space, I became anxious and my mind began to wonder fearful-curious questions.

Finding a center within me and calming my darting mind, a light source started to take form ahead of me. A pinhole at first; then, expanded into a doorway of light as I patiently waited for it to be ready to receive me. As the framing secured, the light illuminated the way toward a stairway leading higher and away from this dungeon.

Before I stepped forward, I heard a noise from behind me. Turning to suss out what would have caused the sound, I was greeted only with the pure blackness of the surrounding space. Then, from the side of my eye, I sensed the light from the newly opened door distort briefly for but a moment.

Here within these shadows, here with me, this entire time I was locked inside this dungeon, something or someone was in here too. Now, I had let it escape.

That thing was now out there, away from me, my control, and in the full presence of my conscious landscape. Anxious worry began to rise within me, and the light from the door started to close in response. Sensing that I was now trapping myself in this void space, I began to breathe and calm my anxiety within my meditation. I found center, and the door began to take the framing of light it had just previously held moments before.

Bolstering my confidence to lead myself from this space and out into where I am most familiar, myself, I stepped forward into the light; entering into a space once recognized as normal now a hellish landscape of ash, dust, and heat. Whatever had escaped this internal psychological dungeon was now out, and it was damaging all the progress I have made throughout my many years of meditation healing.

The dark, ashy, and death environment of Moony’s now existence in pictured
(NightCafe AI-Generated Image)

I was scared; worried about what I would become if I broke from this meditation in the current state of affairs I found myself in. Most concerning, I was panicked about the escaped convict from within me who was now on the lam and causing a path of destruction.

Though deeply fearing, I remembered the strength of myself. The progress I have created for myself through many dedicated years of meditative examination and healing. I remembered the most important aspect when working on self-healing: calm yourself; fear during discovery is but an illusion of something we misunderstand within ourselves.

Again, I began to breathe; close my eyes, and find a center within my meditative journey.

Returning to a settled balance, I opened my eyes to see the scenery no longer destroyed. Instead, I was now in the middle of a local forest I frequent within my physical existence.

Many layers of red pines and the ground covered in their needles
(Photo by Steven Kamenar on Unsplash)

Along the path leading forward from me, I sensed an energy that I could not discern its identity or connection to. Not allowing a further opportunity for my anxiety to return, I moved forward and opened myself without rejection of this sensed energy.

Behind the standing bodies of red pines just ahead, I could see wisps of thin-grey strands of smoke drifting. Advancing further, I came around the pines to see a figure looming over an in-ground fire pit. The pit emanated warmth though the burnings were now only a smoldering collection of charred pieces.

The individual was wearing an assortment of patched animal leather rags covering from head to foot. Above the leather hooded cloak, which hung low and shadowed the facial features of the individual, were two wide antlers stretching out and above like sharp witch fingers.

Outstretched from the figure, the only exposed skin shown were two hands. Soot-covered and calloused, in the left held a spork while the right held an open and half-eaten can of Bush’s Baked Beans. While the figure owned its presence, this slightly humorous observation helped lessen the feeling of its threat.

The individual’s aura vibrated with an intense deep base. Though it never gave any acknowledgment of my entrance, I could sense I was seen and known. Still remembering that fear is but an illusion of what we misunderstand, I stepped closer; to the opposite side of the pit from the individual.

As my feet came together at the rim of the fire pit, a deep male voice spoke, “Welcome back.”

Welcome back… to what? To where? To whom? Before I could raise any of these questions, the voice spoke again, “Put down your fist; we are not enemies dueling over supremacy. You are meant to be in this place, here with me; one who you have forgotten existed, long ago.”

Though thoroughly confused, I did as directed and relaxed my tightly set form. As I did, the static energy that I originally felt from this figure began to relax, too, into a more soothing and comforting one. Welcoming this change of experience, I asked if I may approach and he accepted. Extending further and without objection, I placed a hand against his chest; the energy emanating from him was uniquely recognizable to me. It was… that of my own.

Releasing the last strands of any cautious anxiety that still housed within me, I became completely calm at this moment. Acknowledging the next step of this journey and syncing fully into awareness of this meditative experience, I accepted that the figure which stood in front of me better represented me than the form I took at the beginning of this journey. As such, I melded my spirit energy from the avatar I started with and into this figure ahead of me.

My awareness shifted. Now within one hand I held a spork and the other a can of baked beans. From my vision, standing just ahead of me now no longer was the figure in animal leather rags. Rather, what stood ahead of me was an ashy-grey statue of my former self. Upon its static face was an expression of sorrow, and its head was turned to the side as if looking backward.

Above, the wind started to brush through the tree tops; slow at first, but gradually beginning to progress, moving and swaying the heads of each tree. Sensing the Wind spirit energy’s request, I nodded and a gust rushed down to blow away the grey ashy statue of the previous me.

There now I stood, without the previous restrictions of fear directing and dictating my decisions. There I was; there now recovered — my true Identity.

Accepting my now grander position and returning to my true self, the environment all around transformed. Instead of the forest, I knew well, I was now standing in a blank white room. Except for the floor, there were no solid connections where I could make out corners or a ceiling.

Without call or notice of arrival, two grand high-back chairs with royal velvet purple lining and warm polished wood claw foots now appeared; positioned to one another in a V-shape. With one of the chairs directly behind me, I took my seat. Right after I took my rest, the other chair was now occupied by a man sitting comfortably and staring at me.

Dressed in a comfortable simple suit, beat bohemian attire, the man, well trimmed with one leg crossed over the other, leaned forward and said, “Welcome back to your true self.”

While I would love to elaborate on the fantastic details of our conversation, this majestic meditative story has been dragging on long enough. To cut it short and help you get back to your other more necessary activities, my Identity shared that upon this healing meditative journey I took tonight, I healed the aspect of my true self. My truth of self that I had locked away for the social benefits of my society’s expectations of what a good, professional person is in the modern world.

More importantly, this aspect of myself shared that I should seek out the advice and guidance of the Beat culture and generation. A developed culture of non-conformists which would act as a medicine for my cleansing process.

Before ending this meditative session, I thanked my Identity for surviving while I neglected it for so many years. Also, that I would begin my proper self-discovery right away. Though before I released, my Identity stood column in front of me, stared directly at me, and said the following mantra:

Go there.
Be there.
Settle there.
Make a home,
And stay there.
Live there.
Never leave there and
Never go on vacation —
Again.

In illistration of multltiple legendary Beats of the culture and movement
(source)

Opening my eyes and returning to what we call reality, I followed through on my promise. I let my Intuition guide me in my search as I fired up a simple SE. I searched all sorts of words related to Beat and its cultural associations. However, once I landed on a Wiki entry for Karen Stover’s Bohemian Manifesto I could hear my Identity say, “That’s it; go there.”

Of the entries provided, both in the Wiki Page and her book, I found that I jive most with the Beat Bohemians; adding a dash of the Zen Bohemians for flavor. To help provide evidence for each in their relation to myself, I have lifted from the Wiki page entries those two personality genres:

Beat Bohemian
The Beat Bohemian: Reckless, raggedy, rambling, drifting, down-and-out, Utopia-seeking. It may seem like Beats suffer for their ideals, but they have let go of material desire…Beats are free spirits. They believe in freedom of expression. They travel light but there is always a book or a notebook in their pocket…Beats jam, improvise, extemporize, blow ethereal notes into the universe, write poetry, ramble and wreck cars. They live on the edge of ideas. They take the part and then make up their own lines.

Zen Bohemian
The Zen Bohemian: No other Bohemians fathom the transient, green and meditative quality of life better than the Zens, even if they are in a rock band, which they often are. The Zen is post-Beat, a Bohemian whose quest has evolved from the artistic, smoky, literary and spiritually wanderlustful to the spiritually lustful.

Recovering and accepting my true self has been the most liberating meditation journey I have yet had in my entire twenty-plus years of deep meditation. Through this journey and recovery, I now feel like I am my true self again.

I’d like to end this book-entry-like blog post with a question for all of you. That being, are you living your true self? While this can be a difficult answer to make, I am certain that we can all be sure if we are or we are not. If you are not, I hope you find your way and make peace with whatever you decide. If you are, I am proud of you and I know that you can empathize with me the most.

Thanks, everyone!

Be well, my friends.

— MT

— Sources —

Unsplash cover image: https://unsplash.com/photos/oMpAz-DN-9I

K., K., K., & K. (2021, November 27). Is Shamanic Journeying Meditation? — Bio Time inc. Biotimeinc. https://www.biotimeinc.com/is-shamanic-journeying-meditation/

Nightcafe “Hellscape”: https://creator.nightcafe.studio/creation/4IXS5umGBt5K4R9kni2R

Unsplash forest image: https://unsplash.com/photos/MMJx78V7xS8

Bohemian Manifesto: A Field Guide to Living on the Edge (New Edition): Laren Stover, Paul Himmelein, IZAK: 9781626545014: Amazon.com: Books. (n.d.). Amazon. https://www.amazon.com/Bohemian-Manifesto-Field-Guide-Living/dp/1626545014

Wikipedia contributors. (2021, June 2). Bohemian Manifesto. Wikipedia. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bohemian_Manifesto

Beat image illustration: https://mir-s3-cdn-cf.behance.net/project_modules/disp/7d067740786127.5606e61fa6541.jpg

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Moony Thinker

Writer, poet, blogger, promoter of fellow artists, and drinking a healthy 32 cups of coffee per day! INFP — T (AF!); Chaotic Neutral FTW!