I. See.
Or am I just looking?
Every day, in every way, I try to make sense of my world. As an artist I have, you might suppose, a trained eye. I like to think I see things differently, analytically trying to define what makes things look the way they do. It’s a facility I can have difficulty switching off though.
If you’ve ever seen the old film The Man with the X-ray Eyes (starring Ray Milland, from Neath, would you believe), you’ll have some idea of what it’s like to be me. In the movie, the mad scientist played by Mr Milland, experiments on himself to gain X-ray vision. At first it’s a bit of fun — he can see through ladies clothing at cocktail parties, and read what his fellow poker players have in their hands. At first, crucially, he has some control over his power. But then he realises that the effect is increasing, and he can see people’s innards and is repulsed by what he can make out below the surface. Soon, he can see through everything, the ability is out of control and eventually drives him to insanity. He tears his own eyes out.
It’s not that dramatic in my case, thankfully, but I sympathise with old Ray to a certain extent. I often feel I can’t look at anything without analysing it to consider how I would draw or paint it. It’s particularly bad when I’m in the middle of painting a portrait, often spending hours looking at my subject intensely. After a day of…
