Netflix’s “Too Hot to Handle” is Actually Group Therapy
Some spoilers. Best to read after you’ve watched or if you plan to never watch.
“Oh, my God, I hope my parents don’t watch this,” pretty accurately sums up Netflix’s Too Hot To Handle.
Participants of this dating-cum-competition reality television series are an international mix chosen for their shared habit of using overt sexuality to avoid addressing their deepest insecurities, their limited empathy, and their fear of commitment. Needless to say, the “sex ban” imposed by Lana (the series’ Alexa-esque AI host) certainly hits them hard.
It’s easy to see why the show is popular: the on-screen relationship dynamics are combined with the allure of a large financial prize that decreases when participants give in to their sexual impulses. Plus, all participants are objectively attractive: the women are thin with big breasts, the men are well-muscled and they all spend the duration of the show in skimpy bathing suits and outfits that leave little to the imagination. Sex sells again.
At first glance, it would be easy to dismiss Too Hot To Handle as just another trashy reality show. However, there is more to it than that. The contestants of Too Hot To Handle (hereafter THTH) are actually participants in a therapy group.
ENCOUNTER GROUPS
An encounter group is a form of group psychotherapy. It consists of a number of individuals who come together in a usually leaderless and unstructured intensive group setting. The group members are encouraged to develop emotional ties and form close relationships with each other through the expression of feelings and through bringing self-awareness to their uninhibited verbal and nonverbal interactions.
The general intention or purpose of these groups is to increase self-awareness (particularly awareness of patterns in their interpersonal relationships), increase sensitivity to others (empathy), and improve interpersonal skills.
Similarities
Encounter groups often encompass 8–20 participants. They should be large enough to encourage face-to-face interaction and small enough for all participants to interact. The experience is often intensive, lasting for hours or days at a time.
THTH starts with 10 participants who share living quarters (including a bedroom and beds) for the duration of the show. Though there is some fluctuation in numbers, interactions with other participants are inevitable, fluid, and constantly evolving.
Observant Participation
Observant participation is considered the optimal method of involvement for members of an encounter group. While they are emotionally invested in the interactions they have within the group, they are also able to observe themselves and the group from an outsider’s perspective. This dual task is considered essential for personal growth.
We see this observant participation highlighted repeatedly during the episodes of THTH as the participants are often pulled aside for candid individual interviews during which they comment on their own actions, the actions of others in a specific scene, and otherwise voice their thoughts and feelings about their unfolding experience as a member of the group.
Respite and Redrawing Success
The environment of the encounter group is designed to be a respite from the everyday pressures and tensions of our culture. As such, the usual markers of success such as material wealth, hierarchical position, subject matter expertise, or perceived unflappability are not rewarded. Honest disclosures of self-doubt, perceived weaknesses, and self-reflective realizations are rewarded instead.
In THTH, the participants are penalized financially for actions which likely would have been rewarded in their social context before the show since they demonstrate sexual prowess. When Seb and Kayla break the rules by having sex, the group is fined a whopping $50,000. Instead of counting it as a successful sexual conquest, Seb admits “I don’t know how much money I’ve spent, I just know everyone’s going to hate me.” He’s right: the group is angry at the couple’s lack of restraint rather than happy for their newfound intimacy.
Similarly, in a different context James would be lauded for religiously following the rules and trying to get others to do the same. However, we find out in a later episode that his fixation on the money pot has been detrimental to his relationship with Brittan and is therefore, not rewarded. He is only rewarded when he acknowledges the impact his priorities have had on her and their connection. In other words, he demonstrates new awareness and empathy and is rewarded for that with a green light for physical intimacy without penalty.
Cognitive Aids
In the context of encounter groups, cognitive aids used by a group facilitator might be mini-lectures, reading assignments, theory discussions, or visual representations of a teaching concept. These exercises are meant to help participants organize their experience of the group and understand the processes happening within and around them.
The equivalent in THTH are the workshops. The first offered to participants in season 4 is a creative workshop inviting group members to use painting to redirect their sexual energy. Other workshops invite the men to respect and appreciate the vagina and the women to energetically cleanse their wombs. The final workshop is designed to help participants reflect on what they have learned during the retreat (read: therapy group) and integrate that learning into the version of self they want to embody in the future.
The workshops inviting participants to reflect on past behaviours and recognize unhealthy patterns are one of the strongest pieces of evidence that viewers of this show are witnessing a therapy group. Lana is explicit each time about the purpose of the workshop (and of the retreat in general) being to foster self-awareness and personal growth in the participants.
The Evolution
Perhaps the strongest evidence that the participants of THTH are in a therapy group is that we can see their personal evolution. At the beginning of the show, participants illustrate their disinterest in forming meaningful connections and their over-investment in their sexuality:
Brittan: “I’m addicted to sex. The worst thing that has ever happened to me was [a guy saying] ‘I’m going to make love to you.’ I almost vomited.”
Sophie: “I don’t want anything serious with anyone. If I wake up in the morning and they’re not there, that’s great.”
Seb: “I’ve got a really, really good bum. I’ve heard it’s like a girl’s bum. Who wants to touch it? Somebody touch my bum!”
James: “I live in Hawaii and I offer the Vacation Penis Package.”
Midway through the series, however, we can see evidence that the group is starting to understand the value of intentional emotional connections and starting to shift the way they think about relationships. By episode 3–4 we start to see these comments:
Dominique: “I want to know that I’m actually making a connection here and seeing the other couples has made me feel that I want to trust the person I’m with.”
Sophie: “I hope he’s not just thinking with his dick and he actually likes me.”
Creed: “I like you too. It is difficult for me to kind of get my emotions across. ’Cause usually I jump ship when I start feeling emotions.”
By episode 7–8 the participants are tested by the actions and attitudes of newcomers who have had less time to embrace the retreat’s opportunity for personal growth. And yet they continue to show a growing ability for self-reflection, emotional disclosures, and personal learning:
Seb: “Kayla likes me for me, I think we’ll be okay. No one can walk into my life and replace [her].”
Jawahir: The thing that I could do right now is just be honest towards Nick about Shawn. And this is probably the lesson that Lana wanted to teach me.”
Nick: “I feel a sense of love that I’ve never felt before.”
By the end of the series (episode 10), the group members have gained an appreciation for the fact that their personal growth and emotional development was the purpose of the show all along. They have come to see this as a valuable endeavour and no longer resent the imposed sex ban:
Kayla: “I came in being a player, but I’ve really learned that being open and vulnerable is actually a sign of strength.”
Jawahir: “This retreat has changed me. I’ve come very, very, very far.”
Seb: “Being in this retreat has actually taught everyone so much. It wakens you up on what you need in life.”
While most group members show emotional development by the end of the series, those who fail to see the value of this therapy group and remain unwilling to commit to learning are removed and sent home early. Unfortunately, this is the outcome for Ethan, Sophie, and Creed who cannot bring themselves to be open, honest, and vulnerable enough to satisfy Lana’s standards.
Conclusion:
We have learned a bit about what encounter groups are and some of the techniques they use to help group members become more empathetic, more self-aware, and more emotionally expressive for the purpose of personal growth.
We have also seen some of these same techniques and mechanisms for change used in Netflix’s reality show Too Hot To Handle, including the isolated group setting, participant observation, and cognitive aids. We also see group members being rewarded for opening up emotionally, disclosing raw personal truths, and reflecting on the patterns of behaviour that have prevented them from connecting with people in the past. Finally, it is clear that even though the show’s participants are initially reluctant, their comments throughout the process show that they really are learning and evolving and this is the definition of a successful therapy group.
Most reality tv shows are designed to entertain and not much else. The participants are often edited to come across as more dramatic, meaner, or flakier than they need to be in order to achieve desired viewing statistics. THTH is different because, as Lana tells us, they are actually striving to help the participants grow as individuals. In spite of the bikini-laced trailer, this show demonstrates the power of group therapy and is therefore, much more wholesome than most of the other reality shows available.
References:
A Dictionary of Nursing. (2018). Encounter group. Encyclopedia.com. Retrieved Dec. 30, 2022 from https://www.encyclopedia.com/medicine/psychology/psychology-and-psychiatry/encounter-group
Gale Encyclopedia of Psychology. (2018). Encounter group. Encyclopedia.com Retrieved Dec. 30, 2022 from https://www.encyclopedia.com/medicine/encyclopedias-almanacs-transcripts-and-maps/encounter-group
Merriam-Webster Dictionary. (n.d.). Encounter group. Merriam-Webster.com. Retrieved Dec. 30, 2022, from https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/encounter%20 group
Yalom, I.D. (1995). Chapter sixteen: Group therapy and the encounter group. The Theory and Practice of Group Psychotherapy (4th ed.). Basic Books, Inc. https://www.yalom.com/theory-and-practice-encounter-groups
