Swimming Against The Current: On Getting Better, Mentally
Managing mental health is living in the paradox of swimming upwards while flowing with the current.
More hours for less pay, a deal I had to make with my boss to get more time to do admin work. So, we cut some hours from Sunday and moved some hours to Friday morning. Life’s priority seemed strange at times, but still, I had to move my psychiatrist appointment to an hour earlier, and through telehealth.
Armed with instant decaf coffee, I await in the virtual waiting room of Doctor Wang, wondering if I have shifted my priorities (in regards to time, not importance) because, after all, I am doing better. Am I doing better?
Sometimes it seems undeniable, others, I wonder if it is just a veiled spell cast upon me by Prozac and the delicate art of suppressing thoughts and emotions. On the other hand, my sleep is getting considerably worse, which appears to be due to a mix of a sleep disorder — to be determined — and some psychotic episodes. Hurrah!
What happens during the day is more salient and relevant when considering the question “How am I doing?” On the stressful job side, I seem to be doing better. In other words, I am more stressed, but not clinically.
