The Heights and the Depths
Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara, a rare balancing act of relatability and aspiration
The 2011 Hindi film Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara (translated as, “You Only Live Once,” and often abbreviated as ZNMD) focuses on three childhood friends who reunite for a bachelor trip to Spain, where they face their fears — both while competing in several adventure sports in scenic locations, and while they confront the flaws in their lives and relationships.
As such, the movie traverses various genres — it is variously described as a drama, a feel-good movie, a coming-of-age film, an adventure-comedy, and even a glorified tourism feature. While most of these descriptors fit, the most impressive balancing act is not in how it manages to touch upon all these genres, but in how it balances being both aspirational and relatable.
Most movies tend to lean heavily in one direction or the other. The famed movie critic Roger Ebert famously wrote an entire piece about how movies and their lead characters need not be relatable (I urge you to read the piece — whether you agree with the viewpoint or not, it’s filled with brilliant quotes, and Ebert’s wicked sense of humour), and it’s futile to expect them to be.
Aspirational movies help us see the best aspects of human nature embodied in (usually) the lead characters—many of the most famous characters are built around seemingly astounding physical and mental skills. Think of any famous lead character — Superman, James Bond, Atticus Finch, Rocky Balboa, for example — and they mostly embody what we aspire to be, but in most cases, we cannot really relate with their situations or their capabilities. Even other “feel-good” movies usually involve aspirational characters, or highly unrealistic situations — It’s a Wonderful Life and Forrest Gump being examples in this genre.
On the other hand, relatable movies are few and far between. Further, they usually are relatable to only some section of the audience, and often follow a story arc which does not end positively for the main characters — examples here include The Perks of Being a Wallflower, Taxi Driver.
It’s just human nature
Enter ZNMD. The movie manages to retain a strong core of realism and relatability — most people who have seen the movie see shades of themselves in one of the lead characters, and know friends within their circle who reflect elements of the other characters. Every friend group has a responsible one (as with Hrithik’s character in the movie, Arjun) and an irresponsible one (Farhan Akthar’s Imraan), and a median one trying to balance the two (Abhay Deol’s Kabir); or even, a workaholic and a happy-go-lucky one.
The differing types of relationships and approaches to relationships are also relatable — most people could relate to, or know people who would relate to, at least one of the various relationships in the movie, among the three friends, or with their respective partners and parents. In many ways, one of the key underlying tensions in the movie is the clash between the differing philosophies, both with regards to life and relationships, espoused by the lead characters; but that tension allows the movie to showcase various different kinds of relationships, bringing in another element of relatability.
Finally, nearly everyone could relate to the various masks the three leads are wearing, and the struggles they hide under their seemingly perfect lives. Each of them is carrying a weight for various durations of time (from most of their life for Arjun and Imraan, to more recently, for Kabir) but trying to hide it from the others, while also trying to help the others take off their masks.
And then you’re alive
Beside this core of realism is a hefty dose of aspirational content. The three friends conquer some of their greatest fears over the course of the movie; more importantly, they free themselves of the aforementioned masks and work towards rectifying the flaws in their life. Like most coming-of-age stories, the film highlights the emotional upheaval and consequent personal development of the leads, even though it takes place in the space of a few days. Each of the three friends expand the arena segments of their own Johari Windows, and help the others do the same. In doing so, they rebuild their own friendship, and also improve the health of their existing (and new) relationships.
More fundamentally, the setting of the story itself is aspirational — of course in the exotic locations and expensive experiences (though the story doesn’t depend on them; it could as well have been filmed in any other destination), but at a deeper level in the context itself. How often do we meet our closest friends from high school or undergrad, or how often do we connect with our closest friends from more than ten years ago? In this always-connected era, a three-week holiday with our closest friends, where we can forget (or grow past) many of the weights dragging us back in our lives, and rediscover the freedom we once had and lost, is itself an aspirational event.
Roger Ebert’s article carries a strong opinion that clearly lands him on one side of the debate—
“I don’t go to the movies to see my life reflected back upon myself. I always thought the most wonderful thing about movies is that they allow us to get outside of ourselves for just a little while, to experience different worlds and circumstances that we’d otherwise never know.”
It’s rare — but sometimes, a movie like ZNMD comes along and shows us parts of our life reflected back upon ourselves, while also allowing us to experience different worlds and circumstances. To go from counting heartbeats, to letting the heart beat as it wants; to go from wondering what mysteries life holds, to feeling alive due to the surprise at every new moment we see with our eyes.
