The Horror of Beauty
Art, romanticism, unknown literature and an existential crisis
I’m uncertain if this anecdote relates to our current topic, but almost a year ago — although it feels more like three months or less — I experienced what seemed like a psychotic episode. Or perhaps it was serotonin syndrome.
The emergency department initially diagnosed it as an episode, yet my discharge papers labelled it as a panic attack. While panic attacks can be linked to feelings of horror and the sublime, that wasn’t the case here.
SURRENDER! Despite its invocation, the concept of surrendering was, almost, in some ways, blissful in my experience.
This is what happened.
After enduring months of relentless panic attacks, I began to find some relief from my anxieties, only to realize that I was still deeply depressed. The situation was far from simple. Having been hospitalized once before (and again in 2023), I contemplated taking matters into my own hands, as medication and therapy had only provided limited assistance.
So, what does a rational person do? Turn to drugs.
Well, just an edible medical cookie, but that quarter of a cookie really did not interact well with my mental condition and my various medications and… boom! I…
