Types Of Mistreatment Enablers
Abuse and other toxic behaviors are supposed to be looked down on. However, this unfortunately isn’t always the case.
Abuse and other toxic behaviors are supposed to be looked down on. However, this unfortunately isn’t always the case. From family to friends and lovers, several people on Earth are content with letting atrocities slide. They’re sometimes known as flying monkeys. [1]
Enablers come in multiple types. We are a diverse species, after all. Not all are malicious, but they mostly lead to harm in both the short and long run. Distinguishing between them could mean the difference between letting inaction create further trauma and cutting too many people off.
The Passive Associate/Introducer
The mildest type of enabler is someone who knowingly becomes close with a toxic person when the latter is unconditionally treating them well and lets the wrongdoer be around vulnerable people without context. That being said, this enabler is still smart enough not to leak information directly to the bad person.
On the surface, this doesn’t seem too bad. Freedom of association exists, right? The issue here is that wrongdoers don’t tend to limit themselves to one victim. With run-of-the-mill jerks, this isn’t a huge deal. However, with abusers and felony criminals…a lot of problems could start to crop up.
The abusive person could start to build relationships with the desperate and gullible people with the intent of manipulating them. From here, a few things may happen.
The bad person might proceed to treat their new friends like trash, as the former tends to do. Alternatively, the bad person could end up training their marks to become toxic themselves, resulting in an even bigger ripple effect.
None of this is 100% guaranteed to happen, of course. But the risk isn’t exactly low either.
The Gossiper/Leaker
Some enablers go a step further than simply giving the wrongdoer potential access to new victims. There are people who will, also or in lieu of that, actively hand over sensitive information to an abuser or violent person.
The information of importance can vary. It could be the current locations of previous victims who ran away to escape. Financial stuff or jobs which a perpetrator wouldn’t approve of. Safety plans created by the victim to get help. Other secrets like gender or sexuality. It all depends on the situation, really.
Abusers love to glean for information to further torment their targets with. So when someone hands information to them on a silver platter, they celebrate. Maybe not loud and proud, but it makes them happy to have something to use. As a result, they tend to create whole networks of flying monkeys.
The Active/Direct Enabler
This is arguably the worst kind of enabler. They won’t necessarily leak information or even try to introduce the bad person to more people to victimize — although they often do that. They actively partake in the wrongdoer’s antics, though to a lesser extent.
These helpers flaunt the bad person’s supposed goodness right in front of people, even if they know the truth. They are content to gaslight and dismiss feelings, telling victims to just “get over it.” They’ll always be on the abuser’s side.
The only thing stopping some aiders from being horrible people themselves is a lack of actual aggression. Even then, certain enablers of this type are abusers in their own right.
Knowledge Differences
Another way to classify enablers is by their knowledge of the bad person’s mistreatment of others. Sometimes they know everything the bad person has done (or everything that’s relevant), and simply don’t care. [2]
Other times, they know only some or even none of the extent and come to change their loyalties once proof comes to light. Finally, some use a wrongdoer’s dark backstory to rationalize their continued support of them. [2]
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As a whole, passive associates typically shouldn’t be treated close to the level of a genuinely bad person. Cut them off, perhaps, but no need to metaphorically flagellate them. Unless they’re horrible themselves; then that’s a different story.
The other two main types may depend on context, but if confronting them doesn’t work then severing ties and warning other people definitely isn’t a bad idea. This especially goes for the active gossipers and whenever there’s no dark backstory involved.
Cutting people off can be hard. Even confrontation might be. But in the long run, it’s better for everyone. It also doesn’t have to preclude letting them back into your life if true change does occur.
Sources
1: Block, Daniel B., and Lauren Kerwin. “Narcissists and Flying Monkeys: Why People Submit to Narcissists.” Verywell Mind, 14 July 2023, https://www.verywellmind.com/narcissists-and-flying-monkeys-7552473. Accessed 27 May 2024.
2: Wakefield, Manya. “Types of Flying Monkeys: The 2 Main Kinds of Narcissistic Enablers.” Narcissistic Abuse Rehab, 12 March 2022, https://www.narcissisticabuserehab.com/types-of-flying-monkeys/. Accessed 27 May 2024.
