A conversation about bathrooms

Photo by Possessed Photography on Unsplash

💬 Okay, I’m going to be honest. There’s something I just don’t understand and I’m hoping you can help me.

🗨 I hope it’s about how I’m right about everything and I am the go-to source for all truth and understanding.

💬 Nah I already know that. Nothing tough to understand there. :) No but I’m having a hard time with the idea of bills legislating who can and can’t use gender-specific bathrooms. What is the problem they’re solving?

🗨 Well, 10 states have passed bathroom bills over the past decade or so, with the Governor of Utah signing the most recent one this week. The sponsor of Utah’s bill explained that

she was trying to make it illegal for a naked man to be in a bathroom with an 8-year-old girl.

💬 Wait what? Does that happen a lot?

🗨 Apparently it happened at least once, according to the bill’s sponsor, who said that the man wouldn’t leave the women’s bathroom because he was trans.

💬 Aren’t there already laws banning indecent exposure?

🗨 Yeah. Of course.

💬 So why have this new law? I have no idea about the details of that anecdote, so I can’t comment on it specifically. I will say that I know perverts and predators do exist. I guess I’m just confused about how this bill will stop them.

🗨 Well, the Utah bill is designed to not single anyone out or even stop them from just using a bathroom and leaving. It only bans people from being creepy in bathrooms designed for the opposite birth sex. They’ll only get in trouble in that specific circumstance if they “‘cause affront or alarm” or don't use the space for its intended purpose.”

💬 That seems pretty vague.

🗨 The Utah bill’s sponsor has given a bit more detail:

“We don’t want people targeting transgender people using stereotypes to intimidate or harass people . . . . That goes to the crux of this entire bill: Simply being in a facility under this bill, not causing alarm is not illegal. But doing something that causes a reasonable person alarm is what should be — and only be — what is reported and [is] brought forward to police.”

💬 That still seems vague to me. What causes a “reasonable person” alarm? It seems like this is singling out a minority community already at risk for even more disrespect, harm, and outright harassment.

🗨 Well, the bill does grant an exception if the person has changed their sex on their birth certificate and had gender-affirming surgery.

💬 How on earth are they going to enforce that?

🗨 I think it’s for after the fact. Like if someone goes to the police and turns in a trans bathroom user for causing them alarm, and then if the trans person shows the police their birth certificate and proves they’ve completed the surgery, then they won’t have to go to jail.

💬 Wow. It almost sounds like this bill criminalizes “causing alarm while trans.” And opens trans people up for all kinds of legalized discrimination.

🗨 Look. They just need to use the bathroom that matches their birth certificate and genitals. Is that really so hard to ask?

💬 There are just so many problems with this. What if a bearded trans man whose birth certificate says female needs to relieve himself. Where does he go? Or what if an adult trans woman doesn’t have the right paperwork and needs to pee. Should she go into the men’s restroom just to be safe? Won’t this create a really toxic environment for everyone? I heard about a woman being harassed by another women in a bathroom, being told “you’re disgusting” and “you don’t belong here” because she looked trans. The woman who was harassed wasn’t, in fact, a transgender man after all. She just had a very short haircut because she had just donated her long hair to cancer patients.

🗨 So what do you want us to do? Just let anyone use any bathroom for any reason?

💬 Is it really that difficult to leave people alone and let them poop in peace? Studies have shown that affirming people’s gender identities helps them survive and thrive in the world. Can’t that just be our goal? Creating a world where trans kids and adults can have a little bit less stress and can feel a little bit more accepted?

🗨 I can see what you’re saying.

💬 Honestly, it seems to me that these bills really aren’t about bathrooms at all.

🗨 Oh? What do you mean?

💬 Conservatives across the country are trying to legally define who counts as a woman. The ultra conservative “Independent Women’s Forum” has drafted a document that puts forth a very narrow legal definition of the word “woman.” The Utah bill, along with many of the other bathroom-related bills, is very clearly inspired by that document. Essentially, they’re wanting to make sure that trans women can’t be treated like non trans women.

🗨 You know, that would make sense. I do think a lot of people, especially people with a strong religious background, don’t really believe in the possibility of someone actually being trans.

💬 I understand you’re not saying that’s what you believe, but wow. What a harmful thing to believe! To deny someone else’s experience of this life? To tell someone else what they can and can’t be based on my personal beliefs. I cannot fathom how difficult it must be to live in a world that denies your existence. Do you know who does believe trans people exist? The American Medical Association, the American Psychological Association, the American College of Obstetrics and Gynecology, the American Medical Student Association, the American Public Health Association, the World Professional Association for Transgender Health, the American Academy of Family Physicians, the American Academy of Pediatrics. Even WebMD and many others.

🗨 Yeah, I hear what you’re saying. And it does make more sense to view these bathroom bills as part of that larger anti-trans context than to view them as just being really focused on washroom security protocols.

💬 Okay, well, thanks for engaging with me on this. It helps me to have someone to explore ideas with.

🗨 Likewise. Talk to you later!