Everyday Racism — What Micro-Aggression Is, And Why It’s Wrong
Every person of color who lives in the “white world” deals with this issue. If this essay were about me, I could tell a story about how my awareness and reaction to racism evolved over the past 60 years. But I’m writing about this moment — the moment after yet another innocent black life was callously snuffed out in the middle of a pandemic that has much more deeply affected communities of color — when black people suddenly shouted a collective, “Enough!”
A Pivotal Moment
Unlike 60 years ago, black people are being supported by legions of white allies — folks who put themselves between the police and the black and brown folk who tend to be treated more roughly than whites in peaceful protests. Even the bigots are remembering to say they were horrified by watching a video of George Floyd’s life being slowly drained by the knee of a white police officer on his neck — for 8 minutes and 46 seconds.
Well-intentioned, but Complicit White People
But, just as was the case 60 years ago, there are many well-intentioned white people who have no idea that they are complicit in White Supremacy Culture. This is the story of a friend of mine who fits that description. I am going to keep her anonymous, but if anyone read her posts on my thread about overt and covert tropes of white supremacy, please do not call her out. There is a good chance that our friendship will survive her finding out that during these times of Black Lives Matter, continuing our friendship requires that she learn something I have been silent about for the years we’ve known each other, considered ourselves friends, and even worked together on committees.
My friend hates racism; her comments are often about how deeply disturbed she is by the racism in the world. She has stories of times that she [believes that] she has intervened to disrupt racism — and I don’t want to dispute those stories. I only take the memory of them with a grain of salt because of the incident I am about to describe.
I posted a triangular MEME that shows the overt forms of racism that are generally condemned: lynching, hate crimes, etc. While there are ten tropes at the top of the triangle, most of the triangle contains the plethora of “socially acceptable tropes of white supremacy.”
My friend’s first comment on the thread was about how she abhors racism; how she can’t believe that all this fuss is made about the amount of melanin in people’s skin. And, she insists that she is not white, but beige, and talks about how ridiculous racism really is.
Calling Out a Micro-aggression
Remember, she has said such things to me and around me for years, and I have never objected or perhaps even thought of her words as insensitive to those who cannot ignore the daily drumbeat of low-level anxiety caused by racism. But this time when she posted this, I replied by saying, “It has never been more clear to me than today how and why this constitutes a micro-aggression.” It is a micro-aggression to talk about the privilege one feels to ignore race to someone whose daily existence requires paying constant attention to its demands. It is especially insensitive to suggest that one wants to ignore race because a white person can ignore race in ways that are unthinkable for a person of color.
People of color teach their children how to limit the risk of dying while black, knowing that there is no way to eliminate the risk. People of color know how to respond to the racist assumptions of white people — asking questions one would direct to employees, trying to hand you their car keys at a black tie event, or downplaying the intent of the antagonist in a story of blatant racism. People of color can no more ignore race than a white person can ignore the summer sun when outdoors.
Whitesplaining and other Covert White Supremacy Actions
My friend’s response can best be categorized as whitesplaining, using several tropes from the pyramid to do so. Because these are unique times, I responded by quoting her words and explaining how they fit tropes such as Paternalism, Colorblindness, Claiming Reverse Racism, and the Self-Appointed White Ally. Her next response to me, saying that I “had attacked her” drew two white allies — one who suggested that she “stop talking,” and another who praised my ability to remain calm and take advantage of a teachable moment.
“When you said you should be paid for providing this training, I clapped,” said the second white ally as she saw me trying to turn the awkward post into a teaching moment.
The next things my friend did were: 1) taking down the post, and 2) starting to criticize my actions in private messages saying, “I’m not saying this to you in public.” When I decided that we should talk, rather than write about a disagreement of this magnitude, she made my apologizing to her a condition of further dialogue. My last words, until writing this essay, were: “White people do not get to decide what people of color think is racist. When you understand that, we can talk. Until then, I’ll enjoy your silence.”
For those of you who think what I did was harsh, I agree. I said in one posted response that it felt harsh to say these things to a friend, I apologized for doing it, AND I thanked her for spouting racist tropes so freely and confidently. It’s only when white people realize how people of color take their expressions of privilege that we can stop being bombarded by them, and this is a paradigmatic example that will become part of my anti-racism teaching.
“Call-out Culture” vs. “Cancel Culture”
I’m sure some people will respond by saying that this friendship is already over, but I sincerely hope that isn’t true. I count among my friends several people who support our current president, support the Muslim ban, the US immigration policy — I even had someone I consider a friend call George Floyd “a thug” without getting a reaction from me. I support “Call-out Culture” but not “Cancel Culture.” I feel for Christina Cooper, the white woman who lost her job and is suffering threats and jeers for calling 911 in Central Park and claiming that an African-American man was threatening her — but not nearly as much as I feel for the thousands of black men who have died as a result of such a call. I feel that Cooper being arrested and charged with filing a false report is appropriate. I am hoping my friend comes to the realization that far from attacking her, I responded in a measured fashion to the insensitive remarks and beliefs that I have been tacitly required to accept as a condition of being thought of a “one of the good ones” by supposedly progressive supporters of White Supremacy Culture.
A Pivotal Moment
This is a pivotal moment in American history, and it could still go either way. People like my friend could come to deeply understand how ignorantly racist they have been in their thoughts and deeds, or people could retreat from confronting the hatred — even causing our president’s reelection out of fear of confronting our country’s racist past. When it comes down to it, you all will decide…
