The Five Ds Threatening Democracy
Case Study: Gaslighting and Guns
Bennie is in front of her home doing yard work when her loved one, Greer, comes out saying, “I have a nice cold glass of iced tea for you.” Bennie can see with her eyes that there is no tea, no water, and no glass in Greer’s hands. Greer insists and insists that on such a hot day, Bennie should take this tall drink of water. When Bennie doesn’t move fast enough to grab the glass, Greer furiously stomps back into the house to pour “the iced tea down the drain.”
Bennie is left wondering what just happened.
Bennie begins to believe that maybe her perception was wrong, thinking: Maybe there had been a glass there. Otherwise, why would Greer insist that he held a glass when none was there? She trusts Greer and believes in him. A good chunk of her family and friends have practically disowned her because of Greer. She’s defended Greer against much, much worse. Plus, she wouldn’t even know where to turn if she were to reject Greer. She’d have no identity without him.
So, Bennie wants to believe Greer brought her iced tea. But the doubts keep eating at her just enough that she looks for security camera footage.
Even when Bennie shows Greer the camera footage demonstrating that Greer did not have iced tea in his hands, Greer does not back down. He doubles down.
Greer insists the camera was faulty or the film was tampered. Greer knows that as soon as he concedes he will be discredited. Bennie might lose faith in him and begin re-evaluating everything. So, he’ll start to argue about everything except those empty hands. He’ll argue about Bennie’s eyesight, the thinness of the glass, the lighting, the film, almost anything. Greer might even come home one night with a surprise box of a new security camera because the current one is “so awful you couldn’t see a glass of iced tea.”
The Stakes for Greer
He will do and say anything to deny, deflect, distract, delay or destroy Bennie’s will on this issue.
Whenever Bennie denies the reality Greer is trying to create, Greer feels it as an existential threat to his identity. Without Bennie’s allegiance, Greer is nothing and does not exist. Greer must be “something.” Therefore, he must maintain Bennie within his reality at all costs.
So, with Greer’s gaslighting techniques in mind, let’s look at what I’m seeing when it comes to gun violence.
Deny
The first refuge of a gaslighter is denial. They’ll deny that the incident happened, deny you the ability to feel bad about it and deny anything can be done about what happened. Using the Second Amendment as a sword instead of shield seems to fit within denial. This strategy was effective until the Sandy Hook Elementary school shooting, where 20 children and 6 staff members were killed.
Deflect
Deflection is a way of discussing an issue without actually talking about the problem. Once simple denials no longer worked in talking about gun violence, the response turned to discussing mythical guys: the “Only thing that stops a bad guy with a gun is a good guy with a gun.” Over the last decade, that refrain has been repeated ad nauseum as if it were some homespun wisdom like “feed a cold and starve a fever” (which also shouldn’t be tried). This path has led to having armed officers in schools. We’ve seen how ineffective this strategy has been just as recently as the mass murders in Buffalo and Uvalde.
Here’s where the double down comes in: “If trained officers don’t work, let’s arm the teachers!” Arming teachers isn’t a policy proposal, only a dodge. We have local governments so purportedly broke, teachers are on welfare and sell their blood plasma to make ends meet. We have districts that don’t provide basics like guidance counselors and school supplies. The average teacher spends $750 out of their own paychecks on erasers, pens, notebooks and other school supplies.
Think about it for a moment: We live in a society that forces teachers to choose between a) inhumanely watching their students struggle to learn without educational supplies or b) forego paying for necessities for their own families.
Distract
Responses like, “Let’s address mental illness” are distractions, not serious policy proposals. President Carter signed the Mental Health Systems Act of 1980. When President Reagan was elected a month later, he ensured it died and got a deep burial. Ever since, we’ve been divesting out of mental health services as a nation.
So, don’t believe the hand wringing and pearl clutching over mental illness until there is a weighty policy proposal backed by hefty dollars and resolute Republican Senate votes.
Delay
The “too soon” refrain is a delay tactic. Another is engaging in half-hearted or bad faith negotiations. It makes it appear like something is happening when in fact nothing will happen at all. It would be like Greer in my story committing to mental health counselling. Greer might eventually make an appointment, might even show up, but would sabotage every session until Bennie gives up.
Applying that concept to the political realm, we will see legislative proposals. One might even reach the Senate floor. It might even get sufficient votes to pass. But, if this gaslighting game keeps being played, that legislation will result in the least amount of actual change in gun violence that is politically possible.
Destroy
This strategy is about destroying the will to pursue the fight and, if possible, obtaining the bonus of making it clear to everyone else around that they must stay in line or be destroyed, too. One technique is the “Charlie Brown — Lucy” maneuver. Every time the football gets pulled out from under gun safety advocates, a chunk of political capital and political will is lost. This prevents the issue from being raised again any time soon. You can hear it in the voices of legislators and advocates when they say, “It feels different this time.”
Think about it for a moment: How cruel and sickly cynical must a person be to willing play political games with mass shooting survivors who want something so basic as every child’s last day of school ending with the start of summer vacation, not a coffin.
Another destroy technique is annihilation. It’s the political equivalent of going Grozny or Mariupol on someone. The clear message is “I will annihilate you rather than facing the fallout to myself of my own actions and beliefs.” We saw it when a Republican legislator from the Buffalo area — where there had just been a mass shooting — couldn’t step an inch over the party line without retaliation and rebuke. The politician then announced that they were not running for re-election.
Think about it for a moment: We have political candidates running campaigns without shame or remorse who are accused of beating their wives and taking part in an attempted self-coup against the United States. But, it’s the political candidate who wants to stop young men from indiscriminately shooting someone else’s wife in the classroom that is politically destroyed.
So, how do we fix the problem?
In the short term, we keep standing in the truth that gun violence is escalating and should not be the #1 threat to children.
We recognize this gaslighting for what it is: cruelty.
We can call out behaviors like deny, deflect, distract, delay and destroy.
We make clear that our will is stronger by applying consistent pressure on our local, state, and federal legislators. Periodically calling or dashing off an email to your local officials seems hardly enough, but it does work to get politicians reflecting on where their priorities ought to be.
In the long run, the only fix is to vote out the gaslighting Greers by voting for candidates that want sensible gun legislation. (You can find a list of federal and state candidates through a project of Everytown and Moms Demand Action). Once you’re committed to voting, help spread the word to others through championing the candidate, volunteering for get out the vote efforts, and/or donating to their campaign.
Karen Y. Spencer
June 2022
