A fantasy come true: should some dreams remain dreams?

Recently, I had a fantasy come true: a threesome with Xander and a woman I liked. We have fantasized about that countless times during sex and we have discussed at length the circumstances under which we would want it to happen. In the end, it came true in an unexpected way: without any effort, with the ideal woman, in the perfect setting. Yet, my imagination turned out to be more fascinating than reality! Does it make sense that I feel slightly deflated?

A fantasy come true: should some dreams remain just that?

I guess every couple in a healthy sexual shape has its own proper fantasies. We all have triggers that come up again and again at peak moments of sexual intensity. They don’t have to be extreme or out-of-the-ordinary to qualify as fantasies. In fact, I suppose that a whole lot of us gets turned on by the same simple sexual joys.

As Ethan Hawke puts it in Before Midnight when he is accused by his partner that he always goes for the same things in sex (titty-titty-pussy): ‘I am a man of simple pleasures’.

Fantasies are not judged by their originality. As long as they provoke the excitement in you and your partner, they serve their purpose. Who is to judge you if you hit it off. simply by fantasizing of sex on a plane? With or without the pilot’s participation?

What counts is that you get the sexual space to develop your own fantasy and to share it with your partner.

Ménage à trois?

Admittedly, my fantasy of a threesome was not too original either. Technically it was not even an unfulfilled fantasy. A long time ago, under very different circumstances, we had ticked that particular box with Xander. But this was so long ago, when Xander and I had just met. Our relationship has evolved so much since, that it almost seems like another lifetime. Plus, on a sensory level, I suppose we had both forgotten the actual feeling of the experience.

This is what I fantasized about and what I got in practice:

The fantasy in theory:

What I wanted was pretty straightforward really:

-A woman I like. With Xander of course.

-A comfortable setting.

-To kiss and touch each other, all three of us. Passion triangles: To straddle Xander’s crotch and mouth while kissing each other. Her bending over to go down on me while Xander would take her from behind looking at us. And the other way round.

The fantasy come true:

Frankly the actual experience surpassed even my wildest dreams. I got it all:

-A glamorous and kinky setting which felt safe and at the same time did not entail taking care of practicalities like at home (more about this ideal setting in an upcoming post)

-An interesting, beautiful woman -let’s call her S.-, with looks and manners close to perfection for my taste. S. was exciting, but she also had a well balanced attitude. I am mentioning this because I am very jealous of Xander and was conscious of a long list of things that could go wrong.

-All the time in the world to enjoy the moment.

-All the previously mentioned sex configurations and many more inspired on the spot.

And then what?

Yet during the days that followed I came to realise something surprising. After our sexual escapades we usually return back home all revved up and end up spending pretty much the whole night having sex between the two of us, reliving what we have just experienced. That night, though, our private after party was kind of subdued.

As improbable at it seems, this time around, the memory of the threesome did not do much to me. For all the hours I had spent fantasizing of doing the very things we did with S., ever since our menage à trois I did not feel the thrill of this particular fantasy anymore. Is it normal that my fantasy -together with the excitement that came along with it- had dissipated? Is it possible that the fantasy gave me more frisson than the real thing?

Fantasies à la carte?

Can it be that not all fantasies are meant to come true? Maybe dreams are more intense as long as they remain dreams and when they do materialize they become banal. Will this fantasy appear again between our sheets on a horny night? Or is it gone forever? I can’t tell for sure.

“Xander, baby, I think I lost my happy thought.” I decided to share my mixed feelings with my lover some days later. “Is it possible that I am actually not so much into threesomes anymore?”

“Does it really make a difference, Aliki?” Xander pulled me closer. “Either way, we’ll make new fantasies.”

More about Aliki and Xander?