80 to 40: Day 79
I got back from Ultimate Jam Night at the Whiskey and a last round (or two) at Rainbow at around 3am so, needless to say, I didn’t exactly…
Attack the Morning.
Alarm went off: 8am
Woke Up: On Couch
Got Out of Bed: 9:04
Lesson Learned: I really need to work on how I respond to people when I’m busy or not interested in talking. I have a few go-to reactions that I use too often and they’re becoming transparent.
For instance, when someone wants to start a conversation or ask a question, I often respond with a long “Uuuuh” followed by a very quick “Whatsup?” It’s pretty obvious that the long “Uuuuh” is me trying to figure out a way to avoid the conversation while the quick “Whatsup” is my attempt to set a breakneck pace to the dialogue so it can be over already.
Similarly, I’ve fallen into a habit of responding to stories that I have zero interest in with an emotionless “Oh. wow.” It pretty much screams, “I’m listening, not caring, but mostly just praying that you’ll stop talking.” Which is rude.
Albeit usually true.
But the tic that bothers me the most is the habit I’ve gotten into of blurting out “Right” periodically during stories.
Someone will be saying, “So I walked in and then my girlfriend was making Thai food for dinner…” and I’ll go, “Right.” Right? Am I pretending that I knew that the girlfriend would be there cooking Thai food? Am I verifying the veracity of the story? Why would I say “Right” right there?
It’s even worse when I say it after someone queries whether I know a pertinent fact or location. Someone will say, “So there’s that new bar over on Sunset and Doheny…” and then give me a look to see if I know what they’re referring to, and I instinctively belch out a “Right,” which then launches the voices in my head into a furious dialogue about why the heck I just pretended why I knew that because I don’t. Why wouldn’t I just say No and get clarification? Which insecurity prompted me to lie about knowing that? And why would knowing that even sate said insecurity?
Of course, while this is going on in my head, the storyteller is still telling their story and rounding towards another cue for me to affirm my competence in following said narrative, to which I have to blurt out a mindless “Right.” just so I can maintain the charade that I’m invested in their anecdote.
At which point, the voices in my head throw up their hands and agree that they should all just go back to convincing me that what I really need is another drink and to make it a double this time.
“New” for Today: I RSVP’d for a late night pool party but I’m already too old to handle going out on back-to-back school nights. Instead, I opted to stay home and write. Yes, I spent a large chunk of time on a fantasy football e-mail that I never ended up sending but I did manage to write a couple of scenes for my horror-comedy “The Cleanse”, which I’ll discuss in more detail in the future.
Not a very exciting day (almost a wasted day) so I’ll leave you with the chair that I’ll give myself as a 40th birthday present.