What To Do When The Data Finally Outs You
A Five Step Playbook For Delay And Deflection
The data is mounting! Your bullshit models and “feel good, tell them what they want to hear” analytics are starting to fail. Truth and reality always win in the end. You just thought you would have more time. So what do you do now?
Strategy #1
Hey, everyone is doing it. So yeah, maybe this wasn’t one of your smarter moments. But maybe those other guys weren’t so smart either. In fact, it is a sure thing they are idiots, too.
Time for a little ad hominem fallacy. Your data and models must be right! Those folks are clowns. They are crazy. I heard they voted for Trump and Hillary! No way you should believe them.
Strategy #2
Hey, you were first! That should be worth something… right? Isn’t there a first mover advantage in logic too? No wait — this is like the court system and you are the defendant. Demand a higher standard of proof!
You didn’t do anything right. You were in a hurry. People needed things fast. There was lots of pressure. They wanted to hear your answer. But nobody wants to hear this supposed “truth”. Demand their analysis be flawless. Never mind that yours wasn’t. Come on this isn’t just science. It is too important! The counterargument must be prefect OR it must be ignored!
Strategy #3
Appeal to the popular. Remember you were the one telling people what they wanted to hear. Most people agree with you. Leverage that.
Those pushing the counterargument are clearly uncaring elitists. Why else are they pushing unpopular opinions? If you can turn opinion against them, it will slow them down at the very least.
Strategy #4
When your studies and models come under question, it is time to work harder. Release more studies. Release more data. Find other ways to confuse the debate. These new analyses don’t have to be done very well either. That is great news because you weren’t real good at this in the first place.
Many an incompetent fool has held the world at bey for a long time by distracting it with reams of complex data and information. Now — if you work in the business world, this is going to get expensive. You might want to look for another job. But if you work for the government or academia? Game on!
Strategy #5
It is time to resort to fear. When people are afraid they don’t worry about truth or data, they worry about feeling safe (which is oddly still worrying… but I digress… often). Fear always trumps analytics, even great analytics. When people are afraid, the logical side of their brain loses. Fight or flight can save you.
Now the only problem is figuring out what your analysis is protecting people from other than the truth? Fear is harder to tap than you think. People are really damn apathetic sometimes. Apathy is misunderstood, but what you are going to need is a way to break through. Fortunately, we live in a world of social media, cable TV, partisan politics, and a new generation that gets “…traumatized for breakfast, bitch”. You can do it!
Of course, maybe you should have just utilized real scientific discipline in the first place. Maybe you shouldn’t just tell people what they want to hear. Maybe you should push back harder on those pressuring you to conform. Or maybe you can admit your mistakes and learn from them… Nah, that is all way too hard! Listen to Mark Twain.
Thanks for reading! Stay safe. More importantly, stay informed.
