Brandy Corn

Last year, Chloe Finch and I set about reclaiming the narrative of a bold, proud and oft overlooked treat, the candy corn. You may ask yourself, “Why?” and “Why now?” To which I’d reply, “I honestly don’t know, but like the stray candy corn you never wanted, please just enjoy it anyway.”

Manifesto

Candy corn? More like the candy corn-erstone of American childhood.

The humble tricolore treat has heralded over 140 years of fine, autumnal traditions stretching from the reconstruction of our heartlands to today.

Yet, in a world where parents would rather subject their kids to the perils of kale than the joys of candy, how do we stay relevant? How do we ensure we are not caught in the friendly fire of the war on sugar?

The answer is a triple-layered approach that communicates to the world that we are, and always will be, a treat, and never a trick.

The Triple Layered Approach

The Competitive Landscape

THE POPCORN BALL
Pros: Longevity; stays in molars for up to 4 days, homemade and thus ‘artisanal.’
Cons: Sticks to pillowcase lint, could be harboring razor blades or, even worse, raisins.

THE BAG OF PRETZELS
Pros: Perfect for chucking back into the bushes of the house of the monster who gave them to you.
Cons: Drier and dustier than a mummy’s French kiss.

WAX LIPS
Pros: Taps into both “selfie” and “sexy vampire” trends.
Cons: Is actually inedible plastic, encourages satanism.

SMARTIES
Pros: Illusion of quantity, almost 100% refined sugar.
Cons: Taste, pastel dust everywhere, forever.

Proposed Taglines

— A vegetable for the rest of us

— Corn in the USA

— 33% sugar. 33% dye. 33% gelatin. 100% America.

— Made with real corn

— Corn to be wild!

Brand Voice

Upbeat. Dyes, wax, and corn syrup? Not us! We use only the right amount of sugar to remain POSITIVE AND WHIMSICAL at all times (approx. 28 grams per serving).

Patriotic. The only colors we love more than white, orange and yellow are red, white and blue.

sPoOkY! Boo! You’ll be downright terrified by how much you love the sweet taste of candy corn.

FAQ

Q: Is candy corn a vegetable?
A: Yes.⁺

Q: Can I eat candy corn all year round?
A: Of course! Try using them as noses for tiny snowmen, or even as cool fake nails for Prom!

Q: What is the standard exchange rate of candy corn to Reese’s™ peanut butter cups?
A: Unfortunately, the amount of candy corn needed to obtain one Reese’s™ peanut butter cup is too high to accurately calculate. However, approximately 15 candy corn can be exchanged for one individually wrapped Twizzler™.

Q: Isn’t candy corn a supporter of pagan rituals and thusly, an enemy of good Christians everywhere?
A: It’s complicated.

⁺Pending Congressional approval.