The Curse of the Office Sonos, and Other Dark Tales
Spooky tales of deception, office DJ decorum, and bringing songs back from the dead
The copywriter smirked — he thought it was his own little secret. Headphones on, he queued up his guilty pleasure: “Baby” by Justin Bieber. Lip-synching and shimmying in his seat, he lost himself in a dream world of bubblegum pop.
But in his Bieber fever, the writer didn’t realize he hadn’t queued up The Biebs on his personal Spotify…it was playing on the office Sonos the whole time.
It was a dark and stormy Wednesday, and the account director queued up her favorite new song, “Money” by Cardi B. But before the first verse began, the song skipped.
Ugh, who’s skipping my song? she thought, and queued it up again. Another skip. More silence. Another play, another skip.
“Quit skipping my jam,” she shouted, scanning the office for a guilty face. But what she saw next stopped her dead — everyone else was just as confused. Eyes frantically darted around the room in search of the silent skipper. No one confessed, but no one looked guilty either.
That silent moment was broken by an almost imperceptible laugh, which multiple coworkers swear sounded a lot like Nicki.
Trembling and terrified, the art director tried to avert his eyes. But there it was in the Sonos queue, glaring at him. Unmoving. Unmistakably wretched. There was no stopping the nightmare ahead.
Suddenly, his stomach dropped and a hellish fire filled his ears. An acoustic guitar rung out as a raspy voice crept in. He could feel the malicious spirit fighting for control as his mind screamed: DON’T MAKE ME DO IT!! I’LL GIVE YOU ANYTHING! PLEASE, NICKELBACK, HAVE MERCY!!
“🎵 Look at this photograph…”
Oh no, it’s happening, he thought.
“🎵 Every time I do it makes me laugh”
Possessed by the spirit of Chad Kroeger, he belted every word.
A helpless editor had been trying to ban the song for months. It was like ice picks in his ears — a reminder of every terrible beach bar stereotype of his past. But the more he tried, the more he was suffocated by co-workers who couldn’t get enough.
It was next on the queue. The darkness closed in.
🎵 You don’t practice Santeria. You ain’t got no crystal ball. You were asked to play your favorite song…and you chose the worst song of all.
’Twas the office happy hour,
And the Sonos was thumpin’.
Queen Bey had the whole office jumpin’ jumpin’.
But the new strategist did something taboo,
And a voice boomed in anger, “Who hijacked the queue!?”
Everyone turned to glare with evil eyes.
She meant to play “Mo Bamba”…but it was “Mambo No. 5.”
If you dare seek more spooky stories, enter our advertising horror world…at your own risk.
