The Good, The Bad, and The Browns: If NFL Logos Were Honest
Perception-driven logos as a cure for the desperate, deflated, and perpetually disappointed
“Adapt or die,” said Brad Pitt’s Billy Beane. He was arguing with a stubborn scout about baseball, but we know every institution — including football, arguably America’s new favorite pastime — needs to evolve to survive.
With Week One officially underway, some NFL teams need rejuvenating more than others. The Patriots are entering the twilight of their dynasty, the Raiders are milking their last season in Oakland, and, at this point, the Browns and Lions have been desensitized by perennial disappointment. Angus Mugford, consultant to the Association for Applied Sport Psychology, might have an answer. He said, “Changing a logo can be one way to signal that you’re changing the culture. With that, you change the motivational climate, too.”
To set a new tone, we think a few NFL owners should set their egos aside and embrace an honest rebrand — starting with logos that reflect perceptions about their teams. Imagine if Browns’ owner Jimmy Haslam spent five minutes on Twitter for inspiration, wading through memes and millions of armchair owners’ opinions. Or if Jaguars owner Shad Khan thought to incorporate his team’s biggest asset — a man who’s revitalized the entire franchise — into its branding. Their logos would look a lot different, but when Super Bowls are at stake, brutal honesty might be the best policy.
We think tortured, lifelong fans — the NFL’s most loyal and valuable customers — deserve it. Since we spend every day helping brands do their thing, we took it upon ourselves to offer some suggestions.
Exposing the NFL’s biggest logo liars
First things first: not every team needs a facelift. Icons like the Cowboys, Packers, and Bears, quite rightly, have barely touched their logos in 50 years. Bottom line: If the brand ain’t broke, don’t fix it.
On the flipside, other teams have seemingly tried everything possible to revitalize their image without actually affecting change. Football fans know where this is going.
The Cleveland Browns are 1–31 in the past two seasons, and it’s not much prettier in years past. Since 1999, the team has started 26 quarterbacks and only has two winning seasons to show for it (the Colts, Packers, and Patriots each started two in the same time frame, and won seven combined Super Bowls). Browns ownership has shown that when you’re drowning in a sea of despair, you’ll grasp at anything to stay alive. Including five trivial updates to your logo.
Take a look at these changes — do these scream “new era” to you?
Being such a poop-filled franchise, the Browns’ name couldn’t be more appropriate. But by sticking with a logo that’s an orange helmet (and how the hell is a helmet an actual logo?), the Cleveland Steamers show how full of sh** they truly are. Brownies, you’re not going to lift the Lombardi trophy by painting your 52-man turd another shade of orange. It’s time to peel off the facade and just do you.
Try this logo on for size:
TB12 time is running out
Every Patriots fan knows the Brady-Belichick era is almost over. You can sense their thinly veiled fear. The sheer panic. The nagging realization that they split up the most handsome QB duo in history by dealing Jimmy GQ for a second-round pick. I can hardly handle the schadenfreude.
At this point, it’s obvious the Patriots can’t survive without Tom Brady. My gut tells me the moment he announces his retirement, Touchdown Tommy will immediately ascend to avocado ice cream heaven and Gillette Field will collapse into the Earth’s core, taking every Dunkin’ Donuts and white slot receiver in Boston down with it.
This logo embodies Pats fans’ desperate longing for the glory days while paying homage to their cult-like obsession with the man, lord, and legend who gave them five more reasons to be obnoxious:
Blind leading the blind
ICYMI, Khalil Mack is very good at his job. As one of the top tacklers in a game that revolves around tackling, Mack believes he deserves to be paid a lot of money. Most fans of sound mind would agree. The Oakland Raiders, being the Oakland Raiders, thought otherwise and traded Mack to Chicago. The Bears immediately made him the highest-paid defender in NFL history.*
Now consider Jon Gruden: the Raiders’ new former-coach-turned-announcer-turned-coach-again. The Raiders rewarded Gruden — who reportedly didn’t speak with Mack once during his holdout and hasn’t coached an NFL game in nearly a decade — with a record-breaking 10-year, $100M contract.
If your mouth is saying you should put your money on a washed-up meme machine rather than an All-Pro defender in TWO positions…you should invest in a ball gag. The Raiders rarely fail as the NFL’s unofficial dunce, thanks to years of Mark Davis’ suspect roster moves and stupid haircuts:
Jacksonville Swaguars
Forewarning: serious homer opinions ahead. Skip to the next team if you don’t appreciate transcendent talent, shameless pandering, or Cinderella stories.
Love him or hate him, Jalen Ramsey is exactly the type of player the Jags needed in 2016. Talented, fearless, and relentlessly braggadocious, Ramsey single-handedly brought a new air of confidence to a team complacent with defeat.
Anyone who caught Ramsey’s recent feature in GQ (or heard about it from an unfortunate, bitter Bills fan) can tell the cornerback loves shutting down luxury fashion stores as much as he loves shutting down trash receivers. Just like his mentor, Deion Sanders, Ramsey lives by the words, “Look good, play good.”
Even though they don’t always play good, Jalen finally has the Jags looking good. His style and swagger are undoubtedly the face of a new era in the 904:
YOU’RE GONNA HEAR ME roar
The Detroit Lions have a lot going for them. Their mascot — like the city — is a storied symbol of strength, power, and resilience. Their fans are fiercely loyal and frostbite-resistant. And as of the writing of this article, Matt Stafford’s shoulder is still in its socket!
Being one of the oldest teams in the league, Detroit has history…it’s just not a happy one. The Lions are only one of four current teams to have not played in a Super Bowl, and they’re the first team in history to go 0–16 in a season. Yet expectations are sky-high every season. But then like clockwork, fans’ hopes crash down in Ford Field every November.
A poster child for mediocrity, the Lions are nothing but hot air.** And just like a sad, old balloon animal, they slowly and inevitably deflate through the season:
A call to Washington
A few team logos are legitimately overdue for change. They’re either bland (Jets), cartoonish (Dolphins), or flat-out racist (take a guess!). NFL owners, I call on you to cure my cognitive dissonance. Take your logos back to the drawing board. Stay true to yourselves. Your fans deserve it.
You’re not fooling anyone, Giants, with your huge letters in all-caps. We all know as long as Eli’s under center, your playoff hopes are very small IRL.
*Bonus ICYMI: Mack’s dominant Week One performance included a sack, a forced fumble, and a pick six.
**This sentence has been reluctantly approved by our art director Dai Tran, designer of these logos and die-hard Lions fan.
