Cozy Thoughts: Week 3

Little Brother’s “May the Lord Watch” is a wonderful piece of work that celebrates friendship. North Carolina rapper’s Phonte and Big Pooh hit topics on brotherhood, addressing past mishaps and growing pains.

In other words, it’s a grown-ass album.

I turned 30 years old earlier this year. I do consider myself a grown-ass man. However, not quite a “grown-ass-ass man” like my pops would acclaim. And in my grown assness, I’ve learned some things and fucked up at many things along the way.

I’m currently paying for the mistakes I’ve made in my 20s. Fixing my credit, balancing two or more jobs, making moves to return to school, paying off loans and mended or ended relationships.

I’ve set aside my aspirations in order to improve my lifestyle. At times, I’ve thought about walking away from all the work I’ve put in since I was in college. The frustrating part is that the mistakes that I made were mostly caused by stubbornness. Maybe If I had leaned on my people instead of doing things on my own, I wouldn’t be here.

But it wouldn’t be a life without it.

My first listen through “May The Lord Watch” couldn’t have came at a better time. At a creative low point in my life, it was refreshing to hear Phonte and Big Pooh trade bars about finding their way back to each other.

“Listen. Ain’t too much change/we all have to go through things that rearrange our train of thought to pick apart/have you wandering in the dark looking for a spark,” -Big Pooh on the “The Feel.”

I don’t need my music to be relatable for me to enjoy it. That’s nonsense. But I can appreciate Big Pooh talking about doing Uber pick ups to make ends meet and Phonte getting his credit right with Equifax. There’s nothing wrong with an honest day’s work while putting your passions to the side.

In 2009, I walked in my college’s newspaper office and I knew or at least had an idea that this is what I want to do. I’ve worked my way up from hustling stories as a stringer to editor positions.

In 2014, I interned at D Magazine while doing college and internet radio. I freelanced for SB Nation and another local newspaper and thought “Oh hell yeah, I’m on my way.”

And then I moved back in with my folks. I flunked out of school. I couldn’t get shit off the ground. I found work as a substitute teacher/teacher’s aide.

I wanted to walk away from all the work that I put in.

I hate to think that you have to go through something to appreciate it. That shouldn’t apply to music at all because what the hell would I know about having a pocket full of stones?

“The Minstrel Show” came out when I was in high school. I remember seeing the video for “Can’t Stop Us” on rotation for MTV 2. But I was not for feeling those cats the time (forgive me). If it wasn’t 50 Cent, Dipset or Swisha House, you wasn’t getting in the iPod.

Maturity will make up for lost time. I have since purchased “The Minstrel Show” and have gotten up to speed on the group’s whereabouts prior to MTLW.

I’ve slowly found my way back to writing regularly. Numerous things factored in to me coming back to a keyboard but I think about my friend “Chubb” — who died last year — would still want me to pursue my dreams.

Chubb, like myself, wanted to trail a career in journalism. I didn’t always think about it when he was alive, but I knew he looked up to me.

Phonte and Pooh wern’t on speaking terms for years and when Phife Dawg passed, the two got on the phone and spoke for hours.

The untimely passing of loved ones and people we admired can either harden us or restrengthen us.

Hopefully, it doesn’t leave you with regret.