Find Your Peak
I am a fraternity man. My guess is that statement elicits some sort of emotional response for you. Perhaps a positive or, perhaps a negative one. Either way, to read this article, please forget any preconceived notions you may or may not have about fraternity life.
In June 2017, I was fortunate enough to serve as a volunteer facilitator for Tau Kappa Epsilon’s Leadership Academy (TKELA). To paint a quick picture, TKELA is held at a campground in Colorado Springs, about 20 miles from Pike’s Peak, whose image graces distant views around the campground. It is a truly breathtaking location.
Of about 11,500 undergraduate members, 72 are selected to attend TKELA. The week consists of experiential learning activities, classroom-based education, purposeful reflection, and even high ropes courses. The goal? To help these 72 young men become the best versions of themselves as leaders.
It is a week filled with long days, longer nights, late bedtimes, and early alarms. It left me exhausted. And invigorated.
You always have another level
When I left Colorado, I recall having the distinct thought that I had accomplished more in those 6 days than I had during any other 6 day stretch in my lifetime. My guess is that the majority of the other 100 or so (undergraduates plus staff/volunteers) would have no problem agreeing with that statement.
But the thing is, I thought I was working pretty damn close to as hard as I possibly could in the weeks leading up to my time in Colorado. My mind could not wrap itself around the idea that I had another gear to shift to while in my current environment. But after a week of late nights, early mornings, and constant engagement, I found that I did.
How? I realized that I was feeling overworked at home not only because of the actual amount of work I had to do but, and I would argue more so, because of all the distractions that made that work seem overwhelming. TKELA eliminated those distractions. Minimal phone use, no television, no people around you with different priorities — it was a deadly combination.
When we are home, we think we have the time. “Oh, there aren’t any commercials so an episode only takes 22 minutes.” “I’ll just open Facebook to check my notifications.” “I’ll go for 1 drink at the bar after work, but then I’ll still go to the gym.”
These are all things we tell ourselves to justify what ultimately amounts to wasting time. I am not advocating for you to stop having downtime. Lord knows I value mine. Rather, I am asking you to consider the distractions in your life and how much time you spend on wasted activity. What can you cut out? What can you limit?
As you answer those questions, you will find you have another level you may not have known existed.
Force yourself to meet new people
I met about 85 new people in the course of the last week. The first thing that strikes me is that it doesn’t sound like a lot. But then I consider that 85 is probably more people I have met in a week since my college orientation.
As we get older, the number of new people we meet each year likely decreases. We settle into the same group of friends, we interact with the same group of coworkers around the office, we know who we know at the gym. But this ultimately means fewer people to learn from, fewer new worldviews to consider, fewer connections to be made.
Think about how you felt if you’ve ever moved, started a new job, or traveled for an extended period of time. There is a nervous excitement associated with those experiences and a lot of that has to do with the new people you meet along the way. For many of us, meeting new people is scary, it’s effort, it’s uncomfortable — but it adds to the richness of our lives.
The majority of the new faces I met last week were between 19 and 21 years old and I took more lessons from them in 6 days than I had in the previous year of meeting new people.
Go out of your way to meet new people — join a running club, ask someone new at work to get lunch, look up what local networking events are in your area. Get out of your comfort zone and learn from the greatest resource we have — the other 7 billion people on this planet.
Think about who you spend the most time with (no, seriously, think about it)
The other reason why I valued the relationships I made so much over the past week? These were simply 100 of the best students, alumni, and volunteers that the fraternity has to offer. This group of people was motivating, hard-working, forward-thinking, enthusiastic, understanding and challenging. We were all working towards a common goal.
There were often times when I felt like the dumbest person in the room. I would look around our team of fellow facilitators — higher-ups in dozens of different industries — and wonder what the hell I was doing there. I was overwhelmed by the sheer number of high performing individuals around me.
But, to my surprise, I did not shy away from the big personalities in the room. Instead, they forced me to raise my game, to be sharper, to be more thoughtful — to be the best version of myself.
How often are we surrounded by people that we know (throwing modesty aside for a second) are worse at life than us? Probably pretty often. That needs to change.
There are a number of quotes to echo this idea. “You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.” “You are a product of your environment…”
This is not a new idea but it is hard as hell to implement.
If you feel that you are the smartest person you work with, ask to be put on a new team or send out some résumés…today. If there are people in your life that are holding you back and helping you to create bad habits, cut them out of your life. If you are missing mentors to push you and tell you when you suck, go find them.
