What Is Holding You Back?

Why do we stick to a routine so often? What in our brains stops us from being spontaneous? Stops us from taking risks?

It turns out it’s not always our fault. It’s science. But we can overcome it.

We are wired to avoid taking risks.

Up until about 500 years ago humans had always lived, and thus evolved, in an immediate return environment. In this immediate return environment, every decision we made had a very immediate impact on our lives.

As James Clear breaks down, nearly everything we needed to do at the onset of our species was to limit risk, so we could…you know…not die. If something was coming to eat us, we needed to fight or run away. If a storm was coming in, we needed to find shelter. If we were hungry, we needed to hunt or gather food immediately.

Now, we live in a delayed return environment. We are not often in immediate life-threatening danger. We face risks but they are rarely life-and-death.

The problem? Our brains haven’t evolved as fast as our change in environment. The result? We are wired to overestimate risks and underestimate our ability to handle them.

It’s probably not as risky as you think to dip into your savings for that trip or to talk to your boss about a promotion or to try that new food. We just think it is.

So, what can you do to combat this? A few things.

Focus on what could go right more than what could go wrong. That promotion would be so so sweet.

Ask yourself if you are being realistic about the negative consequences should something go wrong. You’re probably overthinking them.

Have more confidence in yourself to handle the risk. You’re a boss. You’ve got this.

Don’t forget about the cost of inaction. Not doing anything at all has consequences, too.

We care about what other people think.

Something else evolution left us with? We give way too many shits about what other people think.

Way back in the day, it was imperative that your tribe liked you. It gave you status within the community and guaranteed you wouldn’t risk being left behind or left out to the wolves.

And this continues today. We have a desire to fit in because it helps our social standing. We are all more likely to help people similar to us than those different than us. We don’t want to risk being seen as too dissimilar for fear we won’t be helped — fear we will be left behind.

It’s called impression management. Every action we take leaves an impression on others. We want these impressions to be good.

So how do we get over this?

Well, there are countless articles out there with tips and tricks on how to stop caring about what other people think of you. But, honestly, I think these are a waste of time. You simply aren’t going to overcome hundreds of thousands of years of evolution and actually stop thinking about what others think.

Instead, I offer you this. Think about the people who you most admire in your life. The people that stand out. The “cool” people. The people that do shit that makes you say, “I wish I could do that.”

My guess is that those people are risk-takers. The people that throw caution to the wind and follow their hearts. The people that aren’t afraid to make fools of themselves. And think of how highly you think of them.

We should (and do) care about what other people think. But remember, we think highly of different. Of unique. Of unconventional.

It’s easier to be comfortable.

Lastly, quite simply, we are lazy. And it is inherently easier to stay comfortable than to not.

It is easier to stay home and binge-watch House of Cards than to sign up for a new class at your gym that you don’t know the first thing about.

It is easier to stay at your company near where you went to school than to take that new position on the other side of the country.

It is easier to sit on your phone in silence during your Lyft ride than to strike up a conversation with your driver.

These things — taking risks, being spontaneous, getting outside your comfort zone — they come at a cost. They cost your effort.

But can you really afford to take the alternative and be comfortable your whole life?

In her book, The Top Five Regrets of the Dying, Bronnie Ware found that the top regret of those nearing the end of their lives was this. “I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.”

Damn.

Let’s put a bow on it.

Why do we avoid a life of being spontaneous and taking risks?

We evolved to avoid risk. Know that you are likely overestimating the risk and underestimating your ability to handle it.

We evolved to care about what other people think. Remember the people you admire. They are the risk-takers, the spontaneous ones, the ones who chose an unconventional path.

These things take effort — effort you cannot afford not to give.

Take risks. Be spontaneous. Get outside of your comfort zone. Put in the effort. Live a life true to yourself.