Rules To Eat By

The Conference Edition

In the office, you don’t have much choice in your free food. There are free snacks. There are meeting leftovers. There are celebration leftovers. That’s basically it. Now conferences, on the other hand, are the Mecca of free food (if you’re lucky). Grab your Tupperware, my friends, and eat on!

• Skip the salad in favor of more steam table-friendly veggies (you can make a better one for dinner if you feel that guilty).
• Embrace the traditional, big-batch dishes like mac ’n’ cheese. They’re a staple for a reason. Today is not a day to count calories.
• Cheese covers all sins (and is sinfully delicious).
• You might think you don’t want the bread, but you want the bread. Take the bread (or give it to me).
• Prepare for a disappointing dessert (perhaps get more bread instead).
• Take extra napkins and make sure no crumbs are in your hair/beard/fur after eating. Sloppy doesn’t look good on anyone, especially when networking.
• Pro tip: Cookies are highly pocketable foods. Take advantage and keep your energy up.
• Pro tip: Happy Hour hors d’oeuvres are often better than lunch. May your patience be rewarded with endless cheese and itty-bitty mystery bites that bring out all the subtlest notes in the mediocre wine you absolutely should have at least one glass of. Because Happy Hour.
• Pro tip: Make two plates. Eat one. Transfer the other into the handy dandy Tupperware container you obviously brought in your bag, you sneaky devil you. Bask in the glow of pride. Shame is for the hungry.