Here I am Naked, Fan Funding
It’s Monday morning 11am and I am freaking out over launching my fan funding page to support creating my podcast. I feel naked, vulnerable, embarassed texting my girlfriend Ali asking her if I should disable the Patreon crowd funding page I spent weeks thinking about, doing research on and pulled an all nighter to make final tweaks in order to hesitantly click the ‘launch’ button late last night.
I recieve my first contribution from a new friend Lucas who shares he really believes in me and I feel so grateful, then my friend Ira contributes, he’s #2, and I wake up to another friend Marc messaging me that he contributed as well, contribution #3. That’s where I am right now. 3 Patrons, three people who I shared my internal angst with about having a crowd funding page before the page was ever live. Three people who are either excited to be part of my journey, happy to support me or doing me a friend favor. I’m still not quite sure. The only option I’d feel resolve with is that they want to be a part of this journey. I am so thankful for their expression of love toward creating my art, but this whole fan funding in general has got me knotted up and confused inside. It feels like I am standing naked in the middle of Times Square afraid every notices and feels inconvenienced by it. How dare I ‘ask’ them to cloth me. These are just insecurities right? I am writing this Medium post, not because it makes me look good as it most definitely does not. I am writing this because it’s real. I know that I am not alone in this tremendous fear. So at the very least I can share my story in hopes it will add value to you.
I often describe podcasting as painting audio, creating a beautiful story by capturing one moment in time. I want to inform, engage and entertain listeners. I want to know that in my taking steps to interview someone that knowledge share made their lives better somehow. Created a positive impact they couldn’t have found elsewhere. The second I pressed record on my very first podcast I knew it was a profession I wanted to do for many years to follow, if not forever. This is when fan funding became an opportunity to explore. Many podcasts are funded by donations like the famous and loved ‘This American Life’. It’s common practice for distributing such quality content. So why is this industry standard so hard for me to apply to my own art.
Reaching out to friends throughout the night sharing my contribution page hoping they wouldn’t feel bothered by my ‘ask’ was the worst. I don’t like asking for favors. I like mutually reciprocal exchanges. That’s exactly what crowd funding is intended to be… so why does this feel so one sided.
Here’s my texts moments ago with my girlfriend Ali.
Ali: “Launch day!!! How goes everything so far??”
Me: “Ali I’m freaking out. I feel really really weird about it. What are your thoughts? Do I just need to work through a block or is this not right for me?”
Ali: “Don’t freak!!!”
Me: “Here’s where I feel weird, I was messaging friends last night asking to contribute just once to help hit my first goal, but these are my friends and I don’t want to ask them for money…. And is there really a value exchange or is it a favor you know…. I don’t want favors…. It’s awkward and uncomfortable…. and then there’s seeing a number 3 which is amazing of 3 people I know, but it’s also so few people so it makes me feel foolish to put myself out there. Maybe I need to be patient. I don’t have a fucking clue.
Ali: Okay, definitely be patient… The whole situation is counter to your personality which is why it’s so hard for you and also why it’s so impressive that you’re going for it… No one ever did anything great without putting themselves out there and feeling foolish…
:/ Are you okay?
…. Am I okay? No, not so much. I am scared, vulnerable, clueless, it feels like ants are creeping through my whole body with nerves. I try to think about every friend’s book I have purchased, things I have done to support, not because they asked, but because I was proud of my friend’s success. I wanted to be part of their journey. So why is it so hard for me to ‘let people’ be part of my journey.
I watched this TED Talk last week on the perspectives of fan funding given by musician Amanda Palmer. She had one of the top Kickstarter campaigns to fund her music album and tour. It was incredibly inspiring and will probably be the fuel I’ll keep rewatching to not press deactivate on my Patreon page.
She even has a book coming out called “The Art of Asking”. To be great in business they say you have to master sales. I get that, but I have always aspired to master value. If asking can indeed be an art and fan funding a medium to allow (as Amanda would say) people to be a part of my journey, then okay I surrender.
